Vulgar words in My Secret Life, Volumes I. to III. - 1888 Edition (Page 2)

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~   ~   ~   Sentence 476   ~   ~   ~

These feelings got intensified, when I thought of my aunt's backside, and the cunts of my cousins, but when I thought of the heroines, it seemed strange that such beautiful creatures should have any.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 477   ~   ~   ~

The cunt which seemed to have affected my imagination, was that of my aunt, which appeared more like a great parting, or division of her body, than a cunt as I then understood it; as if her buttock parting was continued round towards her belly, and as unlike the young cunts I had seen as possible.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 480   ~   ~   ~

My sensuous temperament was developing, I saw females in all their poetry and beauty, but suppose that my physical forces had not kept pace with my brain, for I have no recollection of a cock-stand, when thinking about ladies; and fucking never entered into my mind, either when I read novels, or kissed women, though the pleasure I had when my lips met theirs, or touched their smooth, soft cheeks was great.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 482   ~   ~   ~

After having seen frigging, it set me reflecting, but it still seemed to me impossible, that delicate, handsome ladies, should allow pricks to be thrust up them, and nasty stuff ejected into them.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 484   ~   ~   ~

Dogs fucking were pointed out to me; then cocks treading hens, and at last a fuller belief came.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 485   ~   ~   ~

I began then, I recollect, to think of their cunts when I kissed women, and then of my aunt's; I could not keep my eyes off of her, for thinking of her large backside and the gap between her thighs; it was the same with my cousins.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 548   ~   ~   ~

I would listen at their door, trying to hear them piss, and began for the first time to peep through keyholes at them.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 593   ~   ~   ~

I declare positively as I write this, that I believe I gave that woman a lewed pleasure in kissing me, her kisses were so much like those I have had from women, I have fucked in after years, so long, and soft, and squeezing.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 629   ~   ~   ~

I could only twiddle my fingers in the hair, could feel no split, or hole, was too excited to think, too ignorant of the nature of the female article; but oh the intense delight I felt at the touch of the warm thighs, and the hair, which now I knew was outside the cunt, somewhere, I recollect my delight perfectly.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 639   ~   ~   ~

I lent her Aristotle, which I had borrowed, and one day recollect my prick stiffening, and a strange overwhelming, utterly indescribable feeling coming over me, of my desire to say to her "cunt," and to make her feel me, and at the same time a fear and a dread overtook me, that my cock was not like other cocks, and that she might laugh at me.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 640   ~   ~   ~

After that, I used to pull the skin down violently every day, I bled, but succeeded; it became slightly easier to do so, yet I have no recollection of having a desire to fuck that woman, all that I recollect of my sensations I have here described.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 665   ~   ~   ~

In spite of all this, and of the voluptuous sensations, which used to creep over me, I have no clear, defined, recollection of wishing to fuck her, nor did I ever say anything smutty, if I could see her face.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 730   ~   ~   ~

Frigging also was treated of, and the terrible accounts of people dying through it, and being put into straight waistcoats, etc., I have no doubt was useful to me.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 748   ~   ~   ~

We sat on a settee or sofa, she had hold of my prick, and I her cunt, for she now sat with thighs quite wide open.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 750   ~   ~   ~

How large and hairy, and wet it seemed; its size overwhelmed me with astonishment, I did not find the hole, don't recollect feeling for that, am sure I never put my finger in it, all seemed cunt below her belly, wet, and warm, and slippery.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 751   ~   ~   ~

"Make haste, your aunt will be in soon," said she softly, but I was engrossed with the cunt, in twiddling it and feeling it in delighted wonder at its size, and other qualities.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 753   ~   ~   ~

"No, no, not so," I recollect the words, but what I was doing, know not; then I was standing by her side, my cock stiff, and still feeling her cunt in bewilderment.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 755   ~   ~   ~

I laid half over her, my prick touched something--her cunt of course.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 759   ~   ~   ~

It was not stiff, I put my hand down, and again the great size--as it seemed to me--of her cunt, made me wonder.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 760   ~   ~   ~

What then she did with me, I know not, she may have frigged it, I think she did, but can't say, a sense of disgrace had come over me, as she said I was not man enough, disgrace mixed with fear of disease.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 766   ~   ~   ~

My aunt and cousin came in, and went up to their bed-rooms, I sat smelling my fingers; the full smell of cunt that I had for the first time.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 767   ~   ~   ~

I smelt and smelt almost out of my senses, sat pouring over a book, seeming to read, but with my fingers to my nose and thinking of cunt, its wonderful size and smell.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 776   ~   ~   ~

I was overwhelmed with a mixed feeling of pride, at having had my prick either touch or go up a cunt, fear that I had caught disease, and shame at not being man enough.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 779   ~   ~   ~

I did that for three days, then fear of disease vanished, and my hopes of feeling her cunt again, or of poking--I don't know which--impelled me towards her.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 780   ~   ~   ~

During those three days, I washed my prick at every possible opportunity, and thought of nothing else but the incident; all seemed to me hurry, confusion, impossible, I wondered, and wonder still, whether my prick went into her or not; but above all, the largeness of the cunt filled me with wonder; for though I had had rapid glimpses of cunts as told, and had now seen a few pictures of the long slit, I never could realise that that was only the outside of the cunt, until I had had a woman.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 781   ~   ~   ~

My fingers had no doubt slipped over the surface of hers, from clitoris to arse-hole; the space my hand covered filled me with astonishment, as well as the smell it left on my fingers, I thought of that more than anything else.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 789   ~   ~   ~

My first frig.--My godfather.--Meditations on copulation.-- Male and female aromas.--Maid and gardener.--My father dies.--A wet dream.--Bilked by a whore.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 792   ~   ~   ~

Some time after I had felt this servant's quim, I noticed a strong smelling, whitish stuff inside my foreskin, making the underside of the tip of the prick sore.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 797   ~   ~   ~

I sunk on to a chair, feeling my cock gently, the next instant spunk jotted out in large drops, a full yard in front of me, and a thinner liquid rolled over my knuckles.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 798   ~   ~   ~

I had frigged myself, without intending it.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 800   ~   ~   ~

Then came fear of my godfather, and of being found out; for all that, after wiping up my sperm from the floor, I went up to my bed-room, and locking the door, frigged myself until I could do it no more from exhaustion.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 803   ~   ~   ~

Soon after they came to see me, we all went into the garden, each pulled my prepuce back, I theirs, and then we all frigged ourselves in an out-house.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 804   ~   ~   ~

Then I wrote to Fred, who was at a large public school, about my frigging.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 812   ~   ~   ~

"Yes, you are, look me full in the face, you've been frigging yourself," said he just in so many words.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 821   ~   ~   ~

I wrote Fred all about it, he said the old beggar was a doctor, and it was very unfortunate; he wondered if he really did see any signs in my face, or whether it was a bounce; that I was not to be a fool, and give in, and still say I hadn't, but had better leave off frigging.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 823   ~   ~   ~

The pleasure of frigging, now I had tasted it (and not before), opened my eyes more fully to the mystery of the sexes, I seemed at once to understand why women and men got together, and yet was full of wonder about it.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 824   ~   ~   ~

Spunking seemed a nasty business, the smell of cunt an extraordinary thing in a woman, whose odour generally to me was so sweet and intoxicating.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 825   ~   ~   ~

I read novels harder than ever, liked being near females and to look at them more than ever, and whether young or old, common or gentle, was always looking at them and thinking that they had cunts which had a strong odour, and wondering if they had been fucked; I used to stare at aunt and cousins, and wonder the same.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 826   ~   ~   ~

It seemed to me scarcely possible, that the sweet, well dressed, smooth-spoken ladies who came to our house, could let men put the spunk up their cunts.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 827   ~   ~   ~

Then came the wonder if, and how, women spent; what pleasure they had in fucking, and so on; in all ways was I wondering about copulation, the oddity of the gruelly, close smelling sperm being ejected into the hole between a woman's thighs so astonished me.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 829   ~   ~   ~

Among other doubts, was whether the servant's quim, which had made by fingers smell, was diseased, or not.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 830   ~   ~   ~

Fear of detection perhaps kept me from frigging, but I was weak and growing fast, and have no recollection of much desire, though mad to better understand a cunt.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 831   ~   ~   ~

It does not dwell in my mind now that I had a desire to fuck one, but to see it, and above all, to smell it; the recollection of its aroma seems to have had a strange effect on me.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 835   ~   ~   ~

This occurred once again, and I think now, that the servant must just have been on the point of letting me fuck her, for she had been feeling my prick and in a jeering way saying, "You are not man enough if I let you," I emboldened, blurted out that I had spent, I recollect her saying "oh!

~   ~   ~   Sentence 841   ~   ~   ~

I was pissing in the pot in my bedroom early one morning, and peeping through the blind, when I saw the servant's head just coming out of the gardener's shed, she passed through the kitchen yard into the kitchen in great haste, looking up at the house, as if to see if anyone was at the windows.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 847   ~   ~   ~

I don't think I spoke, but making a dash, got my hand up her clothes and on to her cunt.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 848   ~   ~   ~

She pushed me away, then caught hold of the hand with which I had touched her cunt, and squeezed it hard with a rubbing motion, looking at me as I recollected (but long afterwards), in a funny way.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 855   ~   ~   ~

I recollect thinking it strange that her cunt should be so sticky, I had heard of dirty cunts,--it was a joke among us boys, and thought hers must have been so, which was the cause, that the smell and feel were different.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 857   ~   ~   ~

Years passed away, and when I had greater experience and thought of all this, concluded that my aunt had found the gardener and the servant amusing themselves too freely, had had them dismissed, and that the morning I found my fingers sticky, the girl had just come in from fucking in the gardener's shed.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 859   ~   ~   ~

When I saw Fred next, he told me he had felt the cunt of one of their servants.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 862   ~   ~   ~

We talked much about the smell of cunt, and he told me that one day after he had felt their servant, he went into the room where his sisters were, and said, "oh what a funny smell there is on my fingers, what can it be, smell them."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 864   ~   ~   ~

Fred used to say, that he thought they knew it was like the smell of a cunt, because they colored up so.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 875   ~   ~   ~

My two intimate school-friends left off frigging, the elder brother, who had a very long red nose, having come to the conclusion with me, that frigging made people mad, and worse, prevented them afterwards from fucking and having a family.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 877   ~   ~   ~

When I was approaching my sixteenth year, I awakened one night with a voluptuous dream, and found my night-shirt saturated with semen, it was my first wet-dream; that set me frigging again for a time, but I either restrained myself, or did not naturally require much spending at that time, for I certainly did not often do so.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 878   ~   ~   ~

But our talk was always about cunt and woman, I was always trying to smell their flesh, look up their petticoats, watch to see them going to piddle; and the wonder to me now is, that I did not frig myself incessantly; and can only account for it on the grounds, that though my imagination was very ripe, my body was not.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 884   ~   ~   ~

"She is a whore," said Fred, "and will let us feel her if we pay her."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 903   ~   ~   ~

"Give me another shilling then, you shall both feel my cunt well, I've such a lot of hair on it."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 911   ~   ~   ~

CHAPTER V. Our house.--Charlotte and brother Tom.--Kissing and groping.--Both in rut.--My first fuck.--A virginity taken.-- At a baudy house.--In a privy.--Tribulations.--Charlotte leaves.--My despair.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 917   ~   ~   ~

I had developed without her having noticed it, love of women, and the intensest desire to understand the secrets of their nature had taken possession of me; the incessant talk of fucking with which the youths I knew beguiled their leisure, the stories they told of having seen their servants, or other girls half, or quite naked, the tricks by which they managed this, the dodges they were up to, inflamed me, sharpened my instinctive acuteness in such matters, and set me seeking every opportunity to know women naked, and sexually.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 918   ~   ~   ~

Frigging was now hateful to me; I had never done so more than the times related, that is as far as I now can recollect, frightened as said, by my godfather telling me, that it sent men mad, and made them hateful to women.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 919   ~   ~   ~

So although boiling with sensuality, I was still all but a virgin, and actually so in fucking.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 925   ~   ~   ~

I stood fascinated, knowing I had seen her cunt hair.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 930   ~   ~   ~

I recollect now her features, as if I had only seen her yesterday, and after the scores and scores of women I have fucked since, recollect every circumstance attending my having her, as distinctly, as if it only occurred last week; yet very many years have passed away.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 936   ~   ~   ~

In a few days got a kiss in return, that drove me wild, her cunt came constantly into my mind, all sorts of wants, notions, and vague possibilities came across me; girls do let fellows feel them I said to myself, I had already succeeded in that.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 946   ~   ~   ~

I knew not how to set to work, indeed scarce knew what my desires lead me to hope, and think at that time, putting my hand on to her cunt, and seeing it, was perhaps the utmost; fucking her seemed a hopelessly mad idea, if I had the expectation of doing so at all very clearly.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 949   ~   ~   ~

Tell her you have seen her cunt, and make a snatch up her petticoats when no one is near; keep at it, and you will be sure to get a feel, and some day, pull out your prick, say straight you want to fuck her, girls like to see a prick, she will look, even if she turns her head away.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 955   ~   ~   ~

"I saw your cunt as you got down from your father's cart," said I, "look at my prick (pulling it out), how stiff it is, it's longing to go into you, 'cock and cunt will come together'."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 959   ~   ~   ~

"She must have seen your cunt, as well as me," said I; then she began to cry.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 973   ~   ~   ~

Although I knew this, I was fearful, but at length mustered courage to sing my cock and cunt song.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 977   ~   ~   ~

"Snatch at her cunt," rang in my ears.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 981   ~   ~   ~

She was off her guard; with my left arm, I pushed her violently back on to the large sofa, her foot came off her knee, at the same moment, my right hand went up between her thighs, on to her cunt; I felt the slit, the hair, the moisture.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 982   ~   ~   ~

She got up to a sitting posture, crying "you wretch, you beast, you blackguard," but still I kept my fingers on the cunt; she closed her legs, so as to shut my hand between her thighs, and keep it motionless, and tried to push me off; but I clung round her.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 989   ~   ~   ~

She tried to get up and nearly dislodged my right hand, but I pushed her back, and got my hand still further on to the cunt.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 992   ~   ~   ~

I thought my skull was coming off, but kept my hold and pinched or pulled the cunt lip till she yelled and called me a brute.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 994   ~   ~   ~

We went on struggling at intervals, I kneeling with prick out, she crying, begging me to desist; I entreating her to let me see and feel her cunt, using all the persuasion, and all the baudy talk I could, little Tom sitting on the floor playing contentedly.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 995   ~   ~   ~

I must have been half an hour on my knees, which became so painful, that I could scarcely bear it; we were both panting, I was sweating; an experienced man would perhaps have had her then; I was a boy inexperienced, and without her consent almost in words, would not have thought of attempting it; the novelty, the voluptuousness of my game was perhaps sufficient delight to me; at last I became conscious that my fingers on her cunt were getting wet; telling her so, she became furious and burst into such a flood of tears, that it alarmed me.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 996   ~   ~   ~

It was impossible to remain on my knees longer, in rising, I knew I should be obliged to take my hand from her cunt, so withdrawing my left hand from her waist, I put it also suddenly up her clothes, and round her bum, and lifted them up, showing both her thighs, whilst I attempted to rise.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,005   ~   ~   ~

For a few days I was in fear, but it gradually wore off, as I found she had not told; our kissing recommenced, my boldness increased, my talk ran now freely on her legs, her bum, and her cunt, she ceased to notice it, beyond saying she hated such talk, and at length she smiled in spite of herself.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,010   ~   ~   ~

She kissed me as she asked me to take away my hand; I could move it more easily on her quim, which I did not fail to do; she was wonderfully quiet.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,013   ~   ~   ~

I pushed my hand further in, or rather on, for although I thought I had it up the cunt, I really was only between the lips--I know that now.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,017   ~   ~   ~

Without knowing indeed then that such a thing was possible, I had frigged her.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,018   ~   ~   ~

Although for about three months, I had been thus deliciously amusing myself, anxious to feel, and see her cunt, and though I had at last asked her to let me fuck her; I really don't think I had any definite expectation of doing it to her.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,021   ~   ~   ~

I asked him some questions,--his opinion was that most girls would let a young fellow fuck them, if pressed and that she would (this youth was but about eighteen years old), and I left him fearing what he said was true, hating and jealous of him to excess.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,043   ~   ~   ~

Down tumbled the bread on the floor, on to the sofa, I pushed her, and after a struggle she was sitting down, I kissing her, one arm round her waist, one hand between her thighs, close up to her cunt.

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