Vulgar words in The Comedies of William Congreve - Volume 1 [of 2] (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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As for the prologue, it is an invitation to the dullards to damn the play, and is anything but serenely confident.
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The danger's great in these censorious days, When critics are so rife to venture praise: When the infectious and ill-natured brood Behold, and damn the work, because 'tis good, And with a proud, ungenerous spirit, try To pass an ostracism on poetry.
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Armed with keen satire and with pointed wit, We threaten you who do for judges sit, To save our plays, or else we'll damn your pit.
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FONDLEWIFE, a banker--Mr. Dogget SETTER, a pimp--Mr Underhill SERVANT to Fondlewife.
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I confess I have not been sneering fulsome lies and nauseous flattery; fawning upon a little tawdry whore, that will fawn upon me again, and entertain any puppy that comes, like a tumbler, with the same tricks over and over.
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Why, if whoring be purging, as you call it, then, I may say, marriage is entering into a course of physic.
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S'death I would not be a Cuckold to e'er an illustrious whore in England.
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Of all beasts not an ass--which is so like your Vainlove.
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Lard, I have seen an ass look so chagrin, ha, ha, ha (you must pardon me, I can't help laughing), that an absolute lover would have concluded the poor creature to have had darts, and flames, and altars, and all that in his breast.
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I wonder to which of these two gentlemen I do most properly appertain: the one uses me as his attendant; the other (being the better acquainted with my parts) employs me as a pimp; why, that's much the more honourable employment--by all means.
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Undoubtedly 'tis impossible to be a pimp and not a man of parts.
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Now poverty and the pox light upon thee for a contemplative pimp.
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For he's the head pimp to Mr. Bellmour.
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I am melancholic when thou art absent; look like an ass when thou art present; wake for thee when I should sleep; and even dream of thee when I am awake; sigh much, drink little, eat less, court solitude, am grown very entertaining to myself, and (as I am informed) very troublesome to everybody else.
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O Gemini, I hope you don't mean so--for I won't be a whore.
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Damn her, let her go, and a good riddance.
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No, I'll die before I'll be your whore--as well as I love you.
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Go and bid my Cocky come out to me; I will give her some instructions, I will reason with her before I go.
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Nay, dear Cocky--ifeck, you'll break my heart--ifeck you will.
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What, not love Cocky!
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Poor Cocky, kiss Nykin, kiss Nykin, ee, ee, ee.
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Here will be the good man anon, to talk to Cocky and teach her how a wife ought to behave herself.
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Bye, Cocky, bye, bye.
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What an eternal blockhead am I!
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Out of my house, thou son of the whore of Babylon; offspring of Bel and the Dragon.--Bless us!
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I'll shut this door to secure him from coming back--Give me the key of your cabinet, Cocky.
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If I had gone a-whoring with the Practice of Piety in my pocket I had never been discovered.
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And I am, as I should be, a sort of civil perquisite to a whore-master, called a cuckold, heh?
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Look you, Heartwell is my friend; and though he be blind, I must not see him fall into the snare, and unwittingly marry a whore.
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Nay, nay: look you, Lucy; there are whores of as good quality.
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Agad, if he should hear the lion roar, he'd cudgel him into an ass, and his primitive braying.
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Damn your morals.
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Damn your morals; I must revenge the affront done to my honour.
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Shall I own my shame or wittingly let him go and whore my wife?
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Sublimate, if you please, sir: I think my achievements do deserve the epithet--Mercury was a pimp too, but, though I blush to own it, at this time, I must confess I am somewhat fallen from the dignity of my function, and do condescend to be scandalously employed in the promotion of vulgar matrimony.
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As how, dear, dexterous pimp?
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So-h--that precious pimp too--damned, damned strumpet!
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Damn your pity!--but let me be calm a little.
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Sir, have I impaired the honour of your house, promised your sister marriage, and whored her?
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Why that's some comfort to an author's fears, If he's an ass, he will be tryed by's peers.
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Women and wits are used e'en much at one, You gain your end, and damn 'em when you've done.
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Let nature work, and do not damn too soon, For life will struggle long e'er it sink down: And will at least rise thrice before it drown.
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I' th' good man's arms the chopping bastard thrives, For he thinks all his own that is his wives'.
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Though she begins to tack about; but I made love a great while to no purpose.
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None but dull rogues think; witty men, like rich fellows, are always ready for all expenses; while your blockheads, like poor needy scoundrels, are forced to examine their stock, and forecast the charges of the day.
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Damn her:--she'll think to meet him in that dressing-room.
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The vizor-masks, that are in pit and gallery, Approve, or damn, the repartee and raillery.