Vulgar words in Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II. - Or, The Rambles And Adventures Of Bob Tallyho, Esq., And - His Cousin, The Hon. Tom Dashall, Through The Metropolis; - Exhibiting A Living Picture Of Fashionable Characters, - Manners, And Amusements In High And Low Life (1821) (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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~ ~ ~ Sentence 441 ~ ~ ~
The pleasures are the twenty thousand prizes, Which nothing but a _downright ass_ despises.
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shall he whom Nature has formed to shine in the dance and sparkle in the ring--to fascinate the fair--lead and control the fashions--attract the gaze and admiration of the surrounding crowd!--shall he pass a life, or rather a torpid existence, amid country bumpkins and Johnny-raws?
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"Certainly," says Tom, "this _cacoethes ludendi_ has made fools of several: this infatuated youth though not possessed of a single requisite for the stage, no doubt flatters himself he is a second Kean; and, regardless ~15~~of his birth and family, he will continue his strolling life Till the broad shame comes staring in his face, And critics hoot the blockhead as he struts."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,061 ~ ~ ~
Winpebble roundly swore that the piece was ill got up, badly represented, and damn'd to all intents and purposes--that the author had more strength than wit--and though not a friend to injunctions himself, he moved for an injunction against Gloss'em; who was at length something like the renowned John Astley with his imitator Rees: "This great John Astley, and this little Tommy Rees, Were both bound over to keep the King's Peas."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,180 ~ ~ ~
"He is a pugilist," said Tom--"one of those courageous gentlemen who can queer the daylights, tap the claret, prevent telling fibs, and pop the noddle into chancery; and a devilish good hand he is, I can assure you, among those who ----"can combat with ferocious strife, And beat an eye out, or thump out a life; Can bang the ribs in, or bruise out the brains, And die, like noble blockheads, for their pains."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,331 ~ ~ ~
"Are you all right and tight elsewhere?" said Tom--"if you are, toddle on and say nothing about it.--Open day!" continued he, "aye, the system of _frigging_{2} 1 _Blue bird's eye wipe_--A blue pocket handkerchief with white spots.
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"Come up, d----n your eyes," said an ill-favoured fellow with an immense cudgel in his fist, driving an ass laden 1 Quid--A.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,762 ~ ~ ~
"D----n your ass, and you too," said the Fish-woman, "if you doesn't pay me for my fish, I'll _quod_{1} you--that there's all vat I ar got to say."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,770 ~ ~ ~
"{2} At this moment, a sturdy youth, about sixteen or seventeen years of age, was seen at a short distance riding the runaway-ass back again.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,771 ~ ~ ~
Billy perceiving this, became a little more reconciled to his rough usage--swore he never would strike a voman, so help him G----d, for that he was a man every inch of him; and as for Mother Mapps, he'd be d----nd-if he vouldn't treat her with all the pleasure of life; and now he had got his own ass, he vould go along with her for to find her mackarel.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,793 ~ ~ ~
"Bl----st me if I know," replied Limping Billy, "for I was a looking out for my own ass--let's have the Sprig of Shelalah, _ould Blackymoor_--come, tune up."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,838 ~ ~ ~
The Bug-destroyer _munched_{2} a candle and _sluiced_{3} his greasy _chops_{4} with _Jacky_{5} almost as fast as they could supply him with it, when Sparkle perceiving the boy was still at the door with the runaway ass, "Come," said he, "we'll start 'em off home in high style--here, you Mr. Bugman, can you ride?"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,043 ~ ~ ~
4 Johnny Raw--A country bumpkin.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,325 ~ ~ ~
Again, if you have a horse you wish to dispose of, the same school will afford you instruction how to make the most of him, that is to say, to conceal his vices and defects, and by proper attention to put him into condition, to alter his whole appearance by hogging, cropping, and docking--by patching up his broken knees--blowing gun-powder in his dim eyes--bishoping, blistering, &c. so as to turn him out in good twig, scarcely to be known by those who have frequently seen and noticed him: besides which, at the time of sale one of these gentry will aid and assist your views by pointing out his recommendations in some such observations as the following: 'There's a horse truly good and well made.
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Does your Cousin want a horse, an ass, or a filly?"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,529 ~ ~ ~
stir him up with a long pole; the like never seen before; here's the head of an owl with the tail of an ass--all alive, alive O!
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They confine themselves to a bastard or vulgar Hebrew, which has little analogy to the original.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,465 ~ ~ ~
For since pleasure's joy's parent, and joy begets mirth, Should the subtlest casuist or sophist on earth Contradict me, I'd call him an ass and a calf, And boldly insist once for all, That the only criterion of pleasure's to laugh, And sing tol de rol, loi de rol lol."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,557 ~ ~ ~
"It is not much to be wondered at," continued Tom, "for here we are in the midst of the very persons whose occupations, if such they may be termed, ought most to be avoided; for Covent Garden, and Drury Lane, with their neighbourhoods, are at all times infested with swindlers, sharpers, whores, thieves, and depredators of all descriptions, for ever on the look out.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,783 ~ ~ ~
The Player is an adept at mimicry, the Musician a good player, and the Poet no bad stick at a rhyme; all anxious to turn their talents to good account, and, when mingled together, productive of harmony, though the situation they are in at present is rather discordant to their feelings; but then you know 'tis said, that discord is the soul of harmony, and they knocked up a duet among themselves yesterday, which I thought highly amusing."
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"In the Country how blest, when it rains in the fields, To feast upon transports that shuttle-cock yields; Or go crawling from window to window, to see An ass on a common, a crow on a tree.
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"And what would you 'sinuate by that?" demanded Kate;--"What do you 'sinuate by that, Ma'am?--I acknowledge that I'm both a whore and a thief--what then?
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Luckily, however, the career of the spirited animal was impeded, and finally stopped, by the frequent interposition of the passengers on the road, and the Baronet was safely set down, ready to exclaim with Hawser Trunnion, "If ever I get astride the back of such another harum scarum son of a bitch again, my name is not Felix O'Grady."
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~~215~~~ "Egad," said Bob, "if this be true, he appears to knock up rhymes almost as well as he could bake biscuits" (smothering a laugh.)
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"Damn your spectacles!" at same time, exclaimed the fellow; "Thank you, my good friend," rejoined Sir Felix,--"it is not the first time that my spectacles have saved my eyes!"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 10,303 ~ ~ ~
This sign, if I remember right, was to be seen a few years since in Union-street, Borough, and is not uncommon even now in France, where you may also find the 'Cochon sans Tete,' (the pig without a head,) which is generally a restaurateur's sign, indicating that 'good pork is here--the useless animal's head is off,' illustrative of the Negro's opinion of a pig in England--"de pig," said Mungo, "is de only gentleman in England--man workee, woman workee, horse workee, ass workee, ox workee, and dog workee--pig do nothing but eat and sleep--pig derefore de only gentleman in England.'"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 10,314 ~ ~ ~
Then as to their utility: the choice of a witty device, or splendid enluminure, was formerly thought of great consequence to a young beginner in the world; and I remember reading of an Innkeeper at Cassel, who having considerably profited by his numerous customers under the sign of 'The Grey Ass,' supposing himself well established in his trade and his house, began to be tired of the vulgar sign over his door, and availed himself of the arrival of the Landgrave of Hesse, to make (as he thought) a very advantageous change.
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In an evil hour, therefore, 'The Grey Ass' was taken down and thrown aside, in order to give place to a well painted and faithful likeness of the Prince, which was substituted for it as a most loyal sign.
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"A small and almost unfrequented house in the same town, immediately took up the discarded sign, and speculatively hoisted 'The Grey Ass.'
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Old codgers, married men with scolding Avives at home, straggling young fellows, and all the 'fraternity of free topers,' resorted to the house, filled the tap-room, crammed the parlour, and assailed the bar: the Grey Ass had the run, and was all the vogue; whilst the venerable Prince of Hesse swung mournfully and deserted at the other place, and enticed no visitors, foreign or domestic; for it should be observed, that 'The Grey Ass' had such reputation all over Germany, that every foreign nobleman or gentleman who came to Cassel, was sure to order his coach or chaise to be driven to the inn of that name; and this order of course was still continued, for how was it to be known by travellers coming from Vienna, Hungary, or Bohemia, that a certain innkeeper at Cassel had altered his sign?
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To the inn, therefore, which was denominated 'The Grey Ass,' they still went.
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~~401~~~ The portrait of the Prince was preserved, but he had written under it, in large characters, 'This is the Original Grey Ass.'