Vulgar words in Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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No one woke up this morning and said, "Damn, I wish there was a way to do less with my books, movies and music."
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Alan tarped the floors and brought in the heavy sandblaster and stripped the age and soot and gunge off of the brickwork throughout, until it glowed red as a golem's ass.
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They lived round the other side of his father and left Alan and his brothers alone, because even a golem has the sense not to piss off a mountain, especially one it lives in.
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The railings, in particular, were horrible bastards to get clean, covered in ten or thirty coats of enamel of varying colors and toxicity.
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The fossilized dog shit had melted and washed away in the April rains, and the smells were all springy ones, loam and blossoms and spilled tetrapak fruit punch left behind by the pan-ethnic street-hockey league that formed up spontaneously in front of his house.
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You're pretty fucking loud with a table saw."
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"DJ None Of Your Fucking Business is spinning and Krishna's going to get me in for free."
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DJ None Of Your Fucking Business is *amazing*."
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"Fuck off about the play, okay?" she said, and spat on the sidewalk.
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"You're full of shit, Ad-man.
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"No, you fucking idiot.
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Alan averted his eyes from Krishna's shit-eating, 911-calling grin.
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He'd developed a taste for food, real people food, that he'd buy in town at the Loblaws Superstore, but he couldn't leave Davey alone in the cave, and he certainly couldn't carry the howling, shitting, puking, pissing, filthy baby into town with him.
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"Mother*fucker*!" he gasped, and Davey giggled maniacally.
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"You're a stupid mother*fucker*!"
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"I'm not coming back to this mother*fucker* place!" he said.
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"Shit, that's you?" the kid said.
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Dude, you've got to turn down the freaking *gain* on those things."
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"Fucking right we do!
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"It's a fuckin' mind-blower, isn't it?"
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He ducked down lower, then peered out from his hiding spot as she crouched down and he heard the unmistakable patter of urine as she peed in the rushes.
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"Don't tell anyone I had a piss here, all right?"
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That bloody hurt, you bastard.
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He pocketed the tooth before Kurt saw it and delved farther, approaching the alley's end, which was carpeted with a humus of moldering cardboard, leaves, and road turds blown or washed there.
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She's a slut and you're a pervert.
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I'll tear her titties off."
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"I'll *fucking* kill you!"
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"You're his slut," Davey said.
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His voice was wet and hiccuping, like he was drowning in snot.
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"*Fuck* my father," he said.
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What are the *fucking* rules?"
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He swore to himself quietly, and shouted Shit!
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"This is pretty fucked up right here," Kurt said, looking down into his coffee.
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He started to say, *Absolutely*, but bit it back, because Larry's bullshit antennae were visibly twitching.
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"You are a bullshit artist, huh?
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"Larry's letting us put up an access point," he said, wiping the pigeon shit off a wire preparatory to taping it down.
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"I kissed his ass without insulting his intelligence."
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Then, five minutes later, "Shit, I forgot that this one has a different mo-bo than the others."
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Ten minutes later, "Shit."
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"Shit," Kurt said.
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"Punk as fuck."
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"Coffee," he said, and handed it to Kurt, who groaned and swigged and stopped bitching.
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Alan started to say something equally bitchy back, and then he stopped himself.
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* To tell him *If this demo fails, it's because you fucked off and left it to the last minute.
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He was too dirty, too punk-as-fuck, too much of his identity was wrapped up in being alienated and alienating.
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Alan heard the dismissal in his voice and knew they were getting into a dick-swinging match.
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"You think we're going to bust our balls to design and deploy all this hardware so that business hotels can save money on cable-pullers?
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Honestly -- I don't have a fucking clue.
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We don't have a fucking clue.
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"Longest fucking month of my life.
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"I'm such a fuck-up," he said.
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# "That's *bullshit*," Kurt said.
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They've been busted before -- it's always bullshit.
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It's not worth all the bullshit you're getting."
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And they're fucking *anarchists* -- they've *got* to be into this.
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Damn, you've got you some big, easy-to-push buttons."
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# One morning, Alan threw a clatter of toonies down on the Greek's counter and walked around the Market, smelling the last night's staggering pissers and the morning's blossoms.
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"Retail would be fantastic if it wasn't for the fucking customers."
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"But there's something pretty, oh, I dunno, *ballsy*, about this wireless thing, yeah?
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"Fuck off," she said tugging at the door.
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"Freakshow Martha Stewart," she said.
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"Alan," she said -- *Alan* and not *Asshole* or *Abel* -- "I could use some help."
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Once the first tear slid down his cheek, the rest came, and he was crying, weeping silently at first and then braying like a donkey in sobs that started in his balls and emerged from his throat like vomit, gushing out with hot tears and hot snot.
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Now, sitting next to him, privately spazzing out to the beat, she seemed, oh, 12 or so.
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"Skinny little fucker -- gotta put some meat on your bones."
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She dramatically tossed her clothes, one item at a time, out the bathroom door, through the clouds of steam, and he caught a glimpse of her round, full ass, bracketed by her restless wings, as she poured into the tub the bottle of cheap bubble-bath she'd bought in the lobby.
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Alan couldn't say the same for himself, but he'd been making an effort since Bradley got to high school, if only to save his brother the embarrassment of being related to the biggest reject in the building -- but Alan still managed to exude his don't-fuck-with-me aura enough that no one tried to cozy up to him and make friends with him and scrutinize his persona close in, which was just as he wanted it.
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There were night-time sounds in the motel, distant muffled TVs and car engines and fucking, but no sound of papery skin thudding on ground-down carpet.
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"Are you freaking out?"
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"And I mumbled and blushed and said something like, 'You look like a nice guy, it's just coffee, shit, don't make a big deal out of it,' and he looked like I'd just canceled Christmas and said, 'Oh, well, too bad.
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"Shit, that was last night's coffee," he said.
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It was amazing -- it was like he was a tourist even at home, an ugly fucked-up tourist.
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Alan turned it over and saw it had a hard chunk of metal growing out of its ass.
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Fucking *morons* -- they could be out here pulling LCDs that they could turn around for ten bucks a pop, but instead they're rooting around like raccoons in the trash, chasing after nickel deposits."
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"One of the access points they identified was *mine*, for chrissakes, and mine was open because I'm a crazy fucking anarchist, not because I'm an ignorant 'consumer' who doesn't know any better, and that got me to thinking that there were probably lots of people like me around, running open APs.
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Well, fuck that!
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It's not just community networking, it'll be civil disobedience against shitty service-provider terms of service!"
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"Welcome me home, mother*fucker*.
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"Which is bullshit.
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You don't understand a single fucking thing about real people, but you spend all your time rearranging them on your board, and you tell them and you tell yourself that you're helping.
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"Man, the only day I wouldn't piss on you is if you were on fire, you fucking freak."
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He turned to her, ready to snap, *Keep the fuck up, would you?
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Ed and Fred held their grumbling tummies and chewed at the insides of their plump cheeks and sat on the unsold Danish Modern sofa in the shop and freaked out the few customers that drifted in and then drifted out.
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Andrew had noticed the girls in the Market and at Kurt's shop noticing Link, whose spring wardrobe showed off all that new muscle to new effect, and gathered from the various hurt looks and sulks from the various girls that Link was getting more ass than a toilet-seat.
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Which is why she decided to -- Damn, what did she decide to do?
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"You can't wash shit," is what her mother said when she called home and asked what she should do about her brother.
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"That kid's been a screw-up since he was five years old."
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Alan thought he was getting an inkling into why this particular intern had responded to his press release: Not because he was too ignorant to see through the bullshit, but just the opposite.
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It's so much bullshit."