Vulgar words in Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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~ ~ ~ Sentence 781 ~ ~ ~
There will be more blockheads than mine in St. Stephen's, I can tell you.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 845 ~ ~ ~
I'm a boy in a school, with a bag of apples, which, being the only apples on my form, I naturally sell at a penny a-piece, and so look forward to pulling in a considerable quantity of browns, when a boy from another form, with a bigger bag of apples, comes and sells his at three for a penny, which, of course, knocks up my trade.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,025 ~ ~ ~
The club was heterogen'ous By strangers seen as A refuge for destitute _bons mots_-- _Dépôt_ for leaden jokes and pewter pots; Repertory for gin and _jeux d'esprit_, Literary pound for vagrant rapartee; Second-hand shop for left-off witticisms; Gall'ry for Tomkins and Pitt-icisms;[3] Foundling hospital for every bastard pun; In short, a manufactory for all sorts of fun!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,209 ~ ~ ~
The Whigs the timber duty say They will bring down a peg; More wooden-pated blockheads they!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,943 ~ ~ ~
Mr. Brown's career advances prosperously; he makes love in the dark to his supposed cousin _pro_ Snoxall, in the hearing of the supposed wife (for the real Selbourne has been married privately) and his supposed friend, both supposing him false, mightily abuse him, all being still in the dark.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,311 ~ ~ ~
PEEL.--(_Rises and goes to the door, which he double locks; returns to his seat, and takes from his waistcoat pocket a small piece of ass's skin._) I have jotted down a few names.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,854 ~ ~ ~
* * * * * Lord William Paget has applied to the Lord Chancellor, to inquire whether the word "jackass" is not opprobrious and actionable.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,076 ~ ~ ~
* * * * * MR. JOSEPH MUGGINS begs to inform his old crony, PUNCH, that the report of Sir John Pullon, "as to the possibility of elevating an ass to the head of the poll by bribery and corruption" is perfectly correct, provided there is no abatement in the price.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,251 ~ ~ ~
My cuss upon Lord Melbun, and On Jonny Russ-all-so, That forc'd me from my native land Across the vaves to go-o-oh.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,586 ~ ~ ~
If it be so, I shall certainly vacate my place in favour of a jackass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,859 ~ ~ ~
The _Salisbury Herald_ says, that Sir John Pollen stated, in reference to his defeat at the Andover election, "that from the bribery and corruption resorted to for that purpose, they (the electors) would have returned a jackass to parliament."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,951 ~ ~ ~
ASS.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,200 ~ ~ ~
Wrote Paget to Pollen, With face bright as brass, "T'other day in the Town Hall You mention'd an ass: "Now, for family reasons, I'd like much to know, If on me you intended That name to bestow?"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 5,025 ~ ~ ~
The two Dicks can have Scrub and Rasper.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 5,026 ~ ~ ~
Jack and Billy, boys, catch a hold of the bridles, or devil a ha'p'worth of ride and tie there'll be in at all, if them Dicks get the start--Shanks' mare will take you to Kells.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 5,050 ~ ~ ~
Damn Kells and the barber, up with the boords and go to work!--this is something like sport!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 6,544 ~ ~ ~
"The horse is a noble animal," as a gentleman once wittily observed, when he found himself, for the first time in his life, in a position to make love; and we beg leave to repeat the remark--"the horse is a noble animal," whether we consider him in his usefulness or in his beauty; whether caparisoned in the _chamfrein_ and _demi-peake_ of the chivalry of olden times, or scarcely fettered and surmounted by the snaffle and hog-skin of the present; whether he excites our envy when bounding over the sandy deserts of Arabia, or awakens our sympathies when drawing sand from Hampstead and the parts adjacent; whether we see him as romance pictures him, foaming in the lists, or bearing, "through flood and field," the brave, the beautiful, and the benighted; or, as we know him in reality, the companion of our pleasures, the slave of our necessities, the dislocator of our necks, or one of the performers at our funeral; whether--but we are not drawing a "bill in Chancery."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 7,012 ~ ~ ~
He must plan charities, organise mobs, causing free-schools to be knocked up, and opponents to be knocked down.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 7,443 ~ ~ ~
For instance, it would be vulgarly ridiculous to call a "cat" by its right name; and when one says "cat," a dogmatic naturalist is justified in thinking one means a lion or tiger, both these belonging to the _cat_egory of "cats;" hence, a "cat" is denominated, for shortness, _felis Ægyptiacus;_ an ass is turned into a horse, by being an _equus_; a woman into a man, for with him she is equally _homo_.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 8,337 ~ ~ ~
Trumpeter in Ordinary to "all the geese," and himself in particular, On his extraordinary Pegasus, beautifully represented by a Jackass, Idealised with magnificent goose's wings.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 8,504 ~ ~ ~
But, as I said before, the Whigs and reformers have knocked up the hanging profession; and if it was not for the suicides, which, I am happy to say, are as abundant as ever, I don't know what we should do."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,136 ~ ~ ~
_John Jones_,--for who shall conceive the profanity of man?--may have called one of these magistrates "goose" or "jackass;" and the offence against the justice is a contempt of the parson.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,487 ~ ~ ~
Some person was relating to the Earl of Coventry the strange fact that the Earl of Devon's harriers last week gave chase, in his demesne, to an unhappy donkey, whom they tore to pieces before they could be called off; upon which his lordship asked for a piece of chalk and a slate, and composed the following _jeu d'esprit_ on the circumstance:-- I'm truly shocked that Devon's hounds The gentle ass has slain; For _me_ to shun his lordship's grounds, It seems a warning plain.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,701 ~ ~ ~
Damn the last Derby--regularly stump'd--cleaned out--and done Brown!--not a feather to fly with!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,914 ~ ~ ~
More frequently he knocks up the people of the neighbouring house, under the impression that it is his own, but that a new keyhole has been fitted to the door in his absence; and, in the mildest forms of the disease, he drinks up all the water in his bed-room during the night, and has a propensity for retiring to rest in his pea-coat and Bluchers, from the obstinate tenacity of his buttons and straps.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 10,678 ~ ~ ~
"He _is_ a sweet young man," said a simpering damsel to a red-headed Lothario, with just brains enough to be jealous, and spirit enough to damn the player.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 10,864 ~ ~ ~
Somehow I rader guess I should ha let dar box fall and smashiated de contents, so I jist give dat white trash de job jest to let de poor crittur arn a shillin."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 10,866 ~ ~ ~
The above term "white trash" is the one commonly employed to express their supreme contempt for the "low Irish wulgar set."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 10,974 ~ ~ ~
Let SOLOMON himself return to the earth, and hold forth at a political meeting; SOLOMON himself would be hooted, laughed at, voted an ass, a nincompoop, if SOLOMON spoke from the platform with a hole in his breeches!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 11,621 ~ ~ ~
We have seen the calculation very beautifully illuminated on ass's skin, and at this moment deposited in the college of Heligoland.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,032 ~ ~ ~
We thought there existed a greater genius than ourselves and that some one had discovered that Sibthorp could be converted into anything but a Member for Lincoln, and buffoon-in-waiting to the House of Commons.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,248 ~ ~ ~
We no more thought of dedicating a whole page to one Sir PETER LAURIE, than the zoological Mr. CROSS would think of devoting an acre of his gardens to one ass, simply because it happened to be the largest known specimen of the species.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,056 ~ ~ ~
He had endeavoured to be much more ass--(_loud cheers_)--iduous than ever.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,662 ~ ~ ~
* * * * * BUFFOON'S NATURAL HISTORY.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,428 ~ ~ ~
"Deliver me from the devil," cried the Squire, "is it possible that a magistrate, or what d'ye call him, green as a fig, should appear no better than an ass in your worship's eyes?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,430 ~ ~ ~
"Then I tell thee," said the master, "he is as certainly a _he_ ass as I am Don Quixote and thou Sancho Panza, at least so he seems to me."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,757 ~ ~ ~
), 226 Breach of Privilege, 29 Buffoon's Natural History, 256 Bunks's Discoveries in the Thames, 129 Burke's Heraldry, 182 [Illustration: C] Calumny Refuted, 52 Capital Illustration, 88 Cause and Effect, 202, 238 Caution to Gourmands, 81 Caution to Sportsmen, 97 Certainly not,--"Better Late than Never," 255 Characteristic Correspondence, 17 Charles Kean's "Cheek", 53 Chaunt to Old Father Time, 23 Chelsea, 71 Christianity.--Price Fifteen Shillings, 150 Civilization, 27 Clar' de Kitchen, 15 Comic Credentials, 40 Coming Events cast their Shadows before, 177 Commentary on the Elections, 9 Commercial Intelligence, 1 Cons.--A Query, 54 Cons, by O'Connell, 167 Con.