Vulgar words in The Poetical Works of Thomas Hood (Page 1)
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~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,860 ~ ~ ~
Once on a time a certain English lass Was seized with symptoms of such deep decline, Cough, hectic flushes, ev'ry evil sign, That, as their wont is at such desperate pass, The Doctors gave her over--to an ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,902 ~ ~ ~
Moreover, he had a Golden Ass, Sometimes at stall, and sometimes at grass, That was worth his own weight in money And a golden hive, on a Golden Bank, Where golden bees, by alchemical prank, Gather'd gold instead of honey.
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That the Golden Ass, or Golden Bull, Was English John, with his pockets full, Then at war by land and water: While beef, and mutton, and other meat, Were almost as dear as money to eat, And farmers reaped Golden Harvests of wheat At the Lord knows what per quarter!
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Like the Steed in the fable so lofty and grand, Who gave the poor Ass to understand That _he_ didn't carry a bag of sand, But a burden of golden treasure.
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Had her horse been fed upon English grass, And shelter'd in Yorkshire spinneys, Had he scour'd the sand with the Desert Ass, Or where the American whinnies-- But a hunter from Erin's turf and gorse, A regular thoroughbred Irish horse, Why, he ran away, as a matter of course, With a girl worth her weight in guineas!
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there's nothing in life like making love, Save making hay in fine weather!
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She could not please the pigs with her whim, And the sheep wouldn't cast their eyes at a limb For which she had been such a martyr: The deer in the park, and the colts at grass, And the cows unheeded let it pass; And the ass on the common was such an ass, That he wouldn't have swopp'd The thistle he cropp'd For her Leg, including the Garter!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,345 ~ ~ ~
O Graham, Graham, how I blame The bastard blush,--the petty shame, That used to fret me quite,-- The little sores I cover'd then, No sores on earth, nor sorrows when The world is out of sight!
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What else?--I'm poor, and much beset With damn'd small duns--that is--in debt Some grains of golden dust!
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Away he went, and many a score Of riders did the same, On horse and ass--like high and low And Jack pursuing game!
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Of course the green's cropt very close, and does famous for bowling when the little village boys play at cricket; Only some horse, or pig, or cow, or great jackass, is sure to come and stand right before the wicket.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 6,140 ~ ~ ~
The science thus--to speak in fit Terms--having struggled from its nit, Was seized on by a swarm of Scotchmen Those scientifical hotch-potch men, Who have at least a penny dip, And wallop in all doctorship, Just as in making broth they smatter By bobbing twenty things in water: These men, I say, made quick appliance And close, to phrenologic science; For of all learned themes whatever, That schools and colleges deliver, There's none they love so near the bodles, As analysing their own noddles; Thus in a trice each northern blockhead Had got his fingers in his shock head, And of his bumps was babbling yet worse Than poor Miss Capulet's dry wet-nurse; Till having been sufficient rangers Of their own heads, they took to strangers'.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 6,355 ~ ~ ~
Be particular with the pagoda: and then here's this pretty bowl-- The Chinese Prince is making love to nothing because of this hole; And here's another Chinese man, with a face just like a doll, Do stick his pigtail on again, and just mend his parasol.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 7,001 ~ ~ ~
And then such awful swearing!--for there's one of them that cusses Enough to shock the cads that hang on opposition 'busses; For he cusses every member that's agin him at the poll, As I wouldn't cuss a donkey, tho' it hasn't got a soul; And he cusses all their families, Jack, Harry, Bob or Jim, To the babby in the cradle, if they don't agree with him.