Vulgar words in The Book of Noodles - Stories of Simpletons; or, Fools and Their Follies (Page 1)

This book at a glance

ass x 21
blockhead x 14
            

Page 1

~   ~   ~   Sentence 31   ~   ~   ~

He it is, in fact, to whom the great Persian poet Sádí alludes when he says, in his charming "Gulistán," or Rose Garden, "The alchemist died of grief and distress, while the blockhead found a treasure under a ruin."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 55   ~   ~   ~

GOTHAMITE DROLLERIES (_continued_): The simpleton and the sharpers--The schoolmaster's lady-love--The judge and the thieves--The calf's head--The Kashmírí and his store of rice-- The Turkish noodle: the kerchief; the caftan; the wolf's tail; the right hand and the left; the stolen cheese; the moon in the well--The good dreams--Chinese noodles: the lady and her husband; the stolen spade; the relic-hunter--Indian noodles: the fools and the mosquitoes; the fools and the palm-trees; the servants and the trunks; taking care of the door; the fool and the aloes-wood; the fool and the cotton; the cup lost in the sea; the fool and the thieves; the simpletons who ate the buffalo; the princess who was made to grow; the washerman's ass transformed; the foolish herdsman--Noodle-stories moralised--The brothers and their heritage--Sowing roasted sesame 81-120 CHAPTER V. THE SILLY SON: Simple Simon--The Norse booby--The Russian booby--The Japanese noodle-- The Arabian idiot--The English silly son--The Sinhalese noodle with the robbers--The Italian booby--The Arab simpleton and his cow--The Russian fool and the birch-tree--The silly wife deceived by her husband--The Indian fool on the tree-branch--The Indian monk who believed he was dead--The Florentine fool and the young men--The Indian silly son as a fisher; as a messenger; killing a mosquito; as a pupil--The best of the family--The doctor's apprentice 121-170 CHAPTER VI.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 78   ~   ~   ~

They were Gothamites, too, those men of Abdera who punished a runaway ass for having got into the gymnasium and upset the olive oil.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 79   ~   ~   ~

Having brought all the asses of the town together, as a caution, they flogged the delinquent ass before his fellows.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 112   ~   ~   ~

"[2] Not unlike some of our "Joe Millers" is the following: A citizen of Cumæ, on an ass, passed by an orchard, and seeing a branch of a fig-tree loaded with delicious fruit, he laid hold of it, but the ass went on, leaving him suspended.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 145   ~   ~   ~

"You blockhead," replied his companion, "wait till he comes back to steal the bolster, and we two will master him."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 147   ~   ~   ~

An epigram in the _Anthologia_ may find a place among noodle stories: "A blockhead, bit by fleas, put out the light, And, chuckling, cried, 'Now you can't see to bite!'"

~   ~   ~   Sentence 179   ~   ~   ~

In Switzerland the townsmen of Belmont, near Lausanne, are typical blockheads.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 440   ~   ~   ~

When he entered the convent, the other blockheads who were there embraced him, and asked him where he had been, and he told them.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 499   ~   ~   ~

We have already seen that the men of Abdera (p. 5) flogged an ass before its fellows for upsetting a jar of olive oil, but what is that compared with the story of the ass that drank up the moon?

~   ~   ~   Sentence 500   ~   ~   ~

According to Ludovicus Vives, a learned Spanish writer, certain townspeople imprisoned an ass for drinking up the moon, whose reflection, appearing in the water, was covered with a cloud while the ass was drinking.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 604   ~   ~   ~

"What do you want?" the blockhead answers dutifully.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 738   ~   ~   ~

The sharper answered, "I was thy ass; but hear my story, for it is wonderful.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 741   ~   ~   ~

I was transformed into an ass.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 746   ~   ~   ~

His wife, in hopes of propitiating Heaven, gave alms and offered up many prayers to avert evil from them, on account of their having used a human being as an ass.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 747   ~   ~   ~

At length the simpleton, having remained idle at home for some time, went one day to the market to purchase another ass, and on entering the place where all the animals were fastened, he saw with astonishment his old ass offered for sale.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 778   ~   ~   ~

So I fell in love with her; but two days after, the same man passed, singing the following couplet: "'Ass and Umm Amr' went their way, Nor she nor ass returned for aye.'

~   ~   ~   Sentence 894   ~   ~   ~

He sold it for the price which charcoal usually fetched, and returning home, boasted of his cleverness, and became the laughing-stock of everybody.--Another blockhead went to the market to sell cotton, but no one would buy it from him, because it was not properly cleaned.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 935   ~   ~   ~

A favourite story in various parts of India, near akin to that last cited, is of a poor washerman and his young ass.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 942   ~   ~   ~

It happened, when the day came on which he was to receive his young ass transformed into a fine, well-educated boy, the simpleton was kept busy with his customers' clothes, but on the day following he found time to go to the teacher, who told him it was most unfortunate he had not come at the appointed hour, since the youth had quitted the school yesterday, refusing to submit any longer to authority; but the teacher had just learned that he had been made kází (or judge) in Cawnpore.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 956   ~   ~   ~

A party of rogues once found as great a blockhead in a rich Indian herdsman, to whom they said, "We have asked the daughter of a wealthy inhabitant of the town in marriage for you, and her father has promised to give her."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 962   ~   ~   ~

In an Arabian tale, a blockhead, having married his pretty cousin, gave the customary feast to their relations and friends.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,102   ~   ~   ~

This last exquisite jest has its analogue in that of the Irishman who was riding on an ass one fine day, when the beast, by kicking at the flies that annoyed him, got one of its hind feet entangled in the stirrup, whereupon the rider dismounted, saying, "Faith, if you're going to get up, it's time I was getting down."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,414   ~   ~   ~

The blockhead, supposing the imaginary woman refused to pay him, became angry, and threw up a stone, which frightening the bird, it flew from its nest in the tree and alighted on a heap of ruins at some little distance.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,421   ~   ~   ~

The blockhead got up, and seeing the food, was persuaded of the truth of his wife's story.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,534   ~   ~   ~

The incident of a blockhead cutting off the branch on which he is seated seems to be almost universal.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,553   ~   ~   ~

This was agreed upon, and as they were about to proceed towards the left some people who happened to be present said, "O ye monks, ye are the greatest of all blockheads that ye should proceed to burn this man while he is yet alive."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,613   ~   ~   ~

"Blockhead!" exclaims the irate king, "could a millstone be hidden in a man's hand?"

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,757   ~   ~   ~

The barber published everywhere what had happened at our house; and the villain added to the story that I had caught her with another man, which was the cause of my having her shaved; and people were no doubt expecting, according to our custom in such a case, to see her mounted on an ass, with her face turned towards the tail.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,758   ~   ~   ~

They came running to my dwelling from all quarters, and actually brought an ass to make the usual exhibition in the streets.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 2,182   ~   ~   ~

Ass and the Two Sharpers, 81.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 2,317   ~   ~   ~

Moon swallowed by an ass, 46.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 2,381   ~   ~   ~

Washerman and his young Ass, 103.

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