Vulgar words in The Anatomy of Melancholy (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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~ ~ ~ Sentence 278 ~ ~ ~
All my griefs to this are jolly, None so damn'd as melancholy.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 296 ~ ~ ~
Now desperate I hate my life, Lend me a halter or a knife; All my griefs to this are jolly, Naught so damn'd as melancholy.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 420 ~ ~ ~
Thus, as when women scold, have I cried whore first, and in some men's censures I am afraid I have overshot myself, _Laudare se vani, vituperare stulti_, as I do not arrogate, I will not derogate.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 434 ~ ~ ~
If it be not point blank to his humour, his method, his conceit, [112]_si quid, forsan omissum, quod is animo conceperit, si quae dictio_, &c. If aught be omitted, or added, which he likes, or dislikes, thou art _mancipium paucae lectionis_, an idiot, an ass, _nullus es_, or _plagiarius_, a trifler, a trivant, thou art an idle fellow; or else it is a thing of mere industry, a collection without wit or invention, a very toy.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 657 ~ ~ ~
affect._ manifestly evinces as much of Socrates, whom though that Oracle of Apollo confirmed to be the wisest man then living, and saved him from plague, whom 2000 years have admired, of whom some will as soon speak evil as of Christ, yet _re vera_, he was an illiterate idiot, as [204]Aristophanes calls him, _irriscor et ambitiosus_, as his master Aristotle terms him, _scurra Atticus_, as Zeno, an [205]enemy to all arts and sciences, as Athaeneus, to philosophers and travellers, an opiniative ass, a caviller, a kind of pedant; for his manners, as Theod.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 764 ~ ~ ~
And doth it not deserve laughter to see an amorous fool torment himself for a wench; weep, howl for a misshapen slut, a dowdy sometimes, that might have his choice of the finest beauties?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 778 ~ ~ ~
Women are all day a dressing, to pleasure other men abroad, and go like sluts at home, not caring to please their own husbands whom they should.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 788 ~ ~ ~
He that was a mariner today, is an apothecary tomorrow; a smith one while, a philosopher another, _in his volupiae ludis_; a king now with his crown, robes, sceptre, attendants, by and by drove a loaded ass before him like a carter, &c. If Democritus were alive now, he should see strange alterations, a new company of counterfeit vizards, whifflers, Cumane asses, maskers, mummers, painted puppets, outsides, fantastic shadows, gulls, monsters, giddy-heads, butterflies.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 790 ~ ~ ~
For when Jupiter and Juno's wedding was solemnised of old, the gods were all invited to the feast, and many noble men besides: Amongst the rest came Crysalus, a Persian prince, bravely attended, rich in golden attires, in gay robes, with a majestical presence, but otherwise an ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 866 ~ ~ ~
How would our Democritus have been affected to see a wicked caitiff or [335]"fool, a very idiot, a funge, a golden ass, a monster of men, to have many good men, wise, men, learned men to attend upon him with all submission, as an appendix to his riches, for that respect alone, because he hath more wealth and money," [336]"to honour him with divine titles, and bombast epithets," to smother him with fumes and eulogies, whom they know to be a dizzard, a fool, a covetous wretch, a beast, &c. "because he is rich?"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 867 ~ ~ ~
To see _sub exuviis leonis onagrum_, a filthy loathsome carcass, a Gorgon's head puffed up by parasites, assume this unto himself, glorious titles, in worth an infant, a Cuman ass, a painted sepulchre, an Egyptian temple?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 909 ~ ~ ~
To see a man roll himself up like a snowball, from base beggary to right worshipful and right honourable titles, unjustly to screw himself into honours and offices; another to starve his genius, damn his soul to gather wealth, which he shall not enjoy, which his prodigal son melts and consumes in an instant.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 963 ~ ~ ~
He knows his error, but will not seek to decline it, tell him what the event will be, beggary, sorrow, sickness, disgrace, shame, loss, madness, yet [414]"an angry man will prefer vengeance, a lascivious his whore, a thief his booty, a glutton his belly, before his welfare."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,016 ~ ~ ~
[443]Chrysostom pleads farther yet, that they are more than mad, very beasts, stupefied and void of common sense: "For how" (saith he) "shall I know thee to be a man, when thou kickest like an ass, neighest like a horse after women, ravest in lust like a bull, ravenest like a bear, stingest like a scorpion, rakest like a wolf, as subtle as a fox, as impudent as a dog?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,321 ~ ~ ~
[653]"For I see no reason" (as [654]he said) "why an epicure or idle drone, a rich glutton, a usurer, should live at ease, and do nothing, live in honour, in all manner of pleasures, and oppress others, when as in the meantime a poor labourer, a smith, a carpenter, an husbandman that hath spent his time in continual labour, as an ass to carry burdens, to do the commonwealth good, and without whom we cannot live, shall be left in his old age to beg or starve, and lead a miserable life worse than a jument."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,369 ~ ~ ~
Like that of the thrush and swallow in Aesop, instead of mutual love, kind compellations, whore and thief is heard, they fling stools at one another's heads.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,371 ~ ~ ~
All enforced marriages commonly produce such effects, or if on their behalves it be well, as to live and agree lovingly together, they may have disobedient and unruly children, that take ill courses to disquiet them, [702]"their son is a thief, a spendthrift, their daughter a whore;" a step [703]mother, or a daughter-in-law distempers all; [704]or else for want of means, many torturers arise, debts, dues, fees, dowries, jointures, legacies to be paid, annuities issuing out, by means of which, they have not wherewithal to maintain themselves in that pomp as their predecessors have done, bring up or bestow their children to their callings, to their birth and quality, [705]and will not descend to their present fortunes.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,451 ~ ~ ~
[769]_E fungis nati homines_, or else they fetched their pedigree from those that were struck by Samson with the jaw-bone of an ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,518 ~ ~ ~
At this day in China the common people live in a manner altogether on roots and herbs, and to the wealthiest, horse, ass, mule, dogs, cat-flesh, is as delightsome as the rest, so [1447]Mat.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 3,950 ~ ~ ~
One man's pissing provoke a second many times to do the like?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,375 ~ ~ ~
and when, as Cyprian notes, [1847]"he may be freed from his burden, and eased of his pains, will go on still, his wealth increasing, when he hath enough, to get more, to live besides himself," to starve his genius, keep back from his wife [1848]and children, neither letting them nor other friends use or enjoy that which is theirs by right, and which they much need perhaps; like a hog, or dog in the manger, he doth only keep it, because it shall do nobody else good, hurting himself and others: and for a little momentary pelf, damn his own soul?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,636 ~ ~ ~
Yea, many times, such is their misery, they deserve it: [1991]a mere scholar, a mere ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,674 ~ ~ ~
Like an ass, he wears out his time for provender, and can show a stump rod, _togam tritam et laceram_ saith [2006]Haedus, an old torn gown, an ensign of his infelicity, he hath his labour for his pain, a modicum to keep him till he be decrepit, and that is all.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,776 ~ ~ ~
&c. [2059]Michael the emperor, and Isacius, were so much given to their studies, that no base fellow would take so much pains: Orion, Perseus, Alphonsus, Ptolomeus, famous astronomers; Sabor, Mithridates, Lysimachus, admired physicians: Plato's kings all: Evax, that Arabian prince, a most expert jeweller, and an exquisite philosopher; the kings of Egypt were priests of old, chosen and from thence,--_Idem rex hominum, Phoebique sacerdos_: but those heroical times are past; the Muses are now banished in this bastard age, _ad sordida tuguriola_, to meaner persons, and confined alone almost to universities.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 4,904 ~ ~ ~
For why may not the mother be naught, a peevish drunken flirt, a waspish choleric slut, a crazed piece, a fool (as many mothers are), unsound as soon as the nurse?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 5,082 ~ ~ ~
To avoid which, we will take any pains,--_extremos currit mercator ad Indos_, we will leave no haven, no coast, no creek of the world unsearched, though it be to the hazard of our lives, we will dive to the bottom of the sea, to the bowels of the earth, [2207]five, six, seven, eight, nine hundred fathom deep, through all five zones, and both extremes of heat and cold: we will turn parasites and slaves, prostitute ourselves, swear and lie, damn our bodies and souls, forsake God, abjure religion, steal, rob, murder, rather than endure this insufferable yoke of poverty, which doth so tyrannise, crucify, and generally depress us.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 5,360 ~ ~ ~
Amongst these passions and irksome accidents, unfortunate marriage may be ranked: a condition of life appointed by God himself in Paradise, an honourable and happy estate, and as great a felicity as can befall a man in this world, [2368]if the parties can agree as they ought, and live as [2369]Seneca lived with his Paulina; but if they be unequally matched, or at discord, a greater misery cannot be expected, to have a scold, a slut, a harlot, a fool, a fury or a fiend, there can be no such plague.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 5,920 ~ ~ ~
For example, if it proceed from phlegm, (which is seldom and not so frequently as the rest) [2554]it stirs up dull symptoms, and a kind of stupidity, or impassionate hurt: they are sleepy, saith [2555]Savanarola, dull, slow, cold, blockish, ass-like, _Asininam melancholiam_, [2556] Melancthon calls it, "they are much given to weeping, and delight in waters, ponds, pools, rivers, fishing, fowling," &c. (Arnoldus _breviar.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 5,925 ~ ~ ~
If it be inveterate or violent, the symptoms are more evident, they plainly denote and are ridiculous to others, in all their gestures, actions, speeches; imagining impossibilities, as he in Christophorus a Vega, that thought he was a tun of wine, [2561]and that Siennois, that resolved within himself not to piss, for fear he should drown all the town.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 6,659 ~ ~ ~
_Electuarium laetificans Galeni et Rhasis_, &c. _Diamargaritum frig.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 7,081 ~ ~ ~
[2878]An ass and a mule went laden over a brook, the one with salt, the other with wool: the mule's pack was wet by chance, the salt melted, his burden the lighter, and he thereby much eased: he told the ass, who, thinking to speed as well, wet his pack likewise at the next water, but it was much the heavier, he quite tired.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 8,384 ~ ~ ~
The pleasantest dotage that ever I read, saith [3465]Laurentius, was of a gentleman at Senes in Italy, who was afraid to piss, lest all the town should be drowned; the physicians caused the bells to be rung backward, and told him the town was on fire, whereupon he made water, and was immediately cured.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 8,756 ~ ~ ~
A nobleman therefore in some likelihood, as he concludes, is an "atheist, an oppressor, an epicure, a [3646]gull, a dizzard, an illiterate idiot, an outside, a glowworm, a proud fool, an arrant ass," _Ventris et inguinis mancipium_, a slave to his lust and belly, _solaque libidine fortis_.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 8,780 ~ ~ ~
Hercules, Romulus, Alexander (by Olympia's confession), Themistocles, Jugurtha, King Arthur, William the Conqueror, Homer, Demosthenes, P. Lumbard, P. Comestor, Bartholus, Adrian the fourth Pope, &c., bastards; and almost in every kingdom, the most ancient families have been at first princes' bastards: their worthiest captains, best wits, greatest scholars, bravest spirits in all our annals, have been base.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,069 ~ ~ ~
It is an easy matter when one's belly is full to declaim against fasting, _Qui satur est pleno laudat jejunia ventre_; "Doth the wild ass bray when he hath grass, or loweth the ox when he hath fodder?"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,210 ~ ~ ~
For that cause belike [3845] "Eutrapilus cuicunque nocere volebat, Vestimenta dabat pretiosa: beatus enim jam, Cum pulchris tunicis sumet nova consilia et spes, Dormiet in lucem scorto, postponet honestum Officium"------ "Eutrapilus when he would hurt a knave, Gave him gay clothes and wealth to make him brave: Because now rich he would quite change his mind, Keep whores, fly out, set honesty behind."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,291 ~ ~ ~
[3875] "The lascivious prefers his whore before his life, or good estate; an angry man his revenge: a parasite his gut; ambitious, honours; covetous, wealth; a thief his booty; a soldier his spoil; we abhor diseases, and yet we pull them upon us."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,464 ~ ~ ~
It is an ordinary thing in these days to see a base impudent ass, illiterate, unworthy, insufficient, to be preferred before his betters, because he can put himself forward, because he looks big, can bustle in the world, hath a fair outside, can temporise, collogue, insinuate, or hath good store of friends and money, whereas a more discreet, modest, and better-deserving man shall lie hid or have a repulse.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,494 ~ ~ ~
Like a bad actor (so [3971]Plutarch compares such men in a tragedy, _diadema fert, at vox non auditur_: Thou wouldst play a king's part, but actest a clown, speakest like an ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,499 ~ ~ ~
If an ass kick me, saith Socrates, shall I strike him again?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,556 ~ ~ ~
[4006]An ass overwhelmed a thistlewarp's nest, the little bird pecked his galled back in revenge; and the humble-bee in the fable flung down the eagle's eggs out of Jupiter's lap.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 9,602 ~ ~ ~
And as that lusty courser in Aesop, that contemned the poor ass, came by and by after with his bowels burst, a pack on his back, and was derided of the same ass: _contemnentur ab iis quos ipsi prius contempsere, et irridebuntur ab iis quos ipsi prius irrisere_, they shall be contemned and laughed to scorn of those whom they have formerly derided.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 10,482 ~ ~ ~
Some would have them still used a few days between, and those to be made with the boiled seeds of anise, fennel, and bastard saffron, hops, thyme, epithyme, mallows, fumitory, bugloss, polypody, senna, diasene, hamech, cassia, diacatholicon, hierologodium, oil of violets, sweet almonds, &c. For without question, a clyster opportunely used, cannot choose in this, as most other maladies, but to do very much good; _Clysteres nutriunt_, sometimes clysters nourish, as they may be prepared, as I was informed not long since by a learned lecture of our natural philosophy [4278]reader, which he handled by way of discourse, out of some other noted physicians.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 10,703 ~ ~ ~
A ring made of the hoof of an ass's right fore foot carried about, &c. I say with [4345]Renodeus, they are not altogether to be rejected.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 11,256 ~ ~ ~
It will make a man run to the antipodes, or tarry at home and turn parasite, lie, flatter, prostitute himself, swear and bear false witness; he will venture his body, kill a king, murder his father, and damn his soul to come at it.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 11,858 ~ ~ ~
In that one temple of Venus a thousand whores did prostitute themselves, as Strabo writes, besides Lais and the rest of better note: all nations resorted thither, as to a school of Venus.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 11,866 ~ ~ ~
For commonly princes and great men make no scruple at all of such matters, but with that whore in Spartian, _quicquid libet licet_, they think they may do what they list, profess it publicly, and rather brag with Proculus (that writ to a friend of his in Rome, [4777]what famous exploits he had done in that kind) than any way be abashed at it.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 11,945 ~ ~ ~
Who would ever have thought that Adrian' the Fourth, an English monk's bastard (as [4827]Papirius Massovius writes in his life), _inops a suis relectus, squalidus et miser_, a poor forsaken child, should ever come to be pope of Rome?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 11,990 ~ ~ ~
Wherefore did that royal virgin in [4844]Apuleius, when she fled from the thieves' den, in a desert, make such an apostrophe to her ass on whom she rode; (for what knew she to the contrary, but that he was an ass?)
~ ~ ~ Sentence 11,992 ~ ~ ~
[4845]She would comb him, dress him, feed him, and trick him every day herself, and he should work no more, toil no more, but rest and play, &c. And besides she would have a dainty picture drawn, in perpetual remembrance, a virgin riding upon an ass's back with this motto, _Asino vectore regia virgo fugiens captivitatem_; why said she all this?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 11,994 ~ ~ ~
but that she perceived the poor ass to be taken with her beauty, for he did often _obliquo collo pedes puellae decoros basiare_, kiss her feet as she rode, _et ad delicatulas voculas tentabat adhinnire_, offer to give consent as much as in him was to her delicate speeches, and besides he had some feeling, as she conceived of her misery.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,266 ~ ~ ~
"by setting out herself after the best fashion, by her pleasant carriage, affability, sweet smiling upon all," &c. Many women dote upon a man for his compliment only, and good behaviour, they are won in an instant; too credulous to believe that every light wanton suitor, who sees or makes love to them, is instantly enamoured, he certainly dotes on, admires them, will surely marry, when as he means nothing less, 'tis his ordinary carriage in all such companies.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,316 ~ ~ ~
[5008]_Sanguine quae vero non rubet, arte rubet_, (Ovid); and to that purpose they anoint and paint their faces, to make Helen of Hecuba--_parvamque exortamque puellam--Europen._[5009]To this intent they crush in their feet and bodies, hurt and crucify themselves, sometimes in lax-clothes, a hundred yards I think in a gown, a sleeve; and sometimes again so close, _ut nudos exprimant artus._ [5010]Now long tails and trains, and then short, up, down, high, low, thick, thin, &c.; now little or no bands, then as big as cart wheels; now loose bodies, then great farthingales and close girt, &c. Why is all this, but with the whore in the Proverbs, to intoxicate some or other?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,330 ~ ~ ~
"They make those holy temples, consecrated to godly martyrs and religious uses, the shops of impudence, dens of whores and thieves, and little better than brothel houses."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,363 ~ ~ ~
They pretend decency and ornament; but let them take heed, that while they set out their bodies they do not damn their souls; 'tis [5033]Bernard's counsel: "shine in jewels, stink in conditions; have purple robes, and a torn conscience."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,368 ~ ~ ~
If they would do so, they should be comely enough, clothe themselves with the silk of sanctity, damask of devotion, purple of piety and chastity, and so painted, they shall have God himself to be a suitor: let whores and queans prank up themselves, [5036]let them paint their faces with minion and ceruse, they are but fuels of lust, and signs of a corrupt soul: if ye be good, honest, virtuous, and religious matrons, let sobriety, modesty and chastity be your honour, and God himself your love and desire."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,371 ~ ~ ~
How much better were it for our matrons to do as she did, to go civilly and decently, [5038]_Honestae mulieris instar quae utitur auro pro eo quod est, ad ea tantum quibus opus est_, to use gold as it is gold, and for that use it serves, and when they need it, than to consume it in riot, beggar their husbands, prostitute themselves, inveigle others, and peradventure damn their own souls?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 12,398 ~ ~ ~
Franciscus Barbarus in his first book _de re uxoria, c. 5_, hath a story of one Philip of Padua that fell in love with a common whore, and was now ready to run mad for her; his father having no more sons let him enjoy her; [5053]"but after a few days, the young man began to loath, could not so much as endure the sight of her, and from one madness fell into another."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,073 ~ ~ ~
"[5386] The major part of lovers are carried headlong like so many brute beasts, reason counsels one way, thy friends, fortunes, shame, disgrace, danger, and an ocean of cares that will certainly follow; yet this furious lust precipitates, counterpoiseth, weighs down on the other; though it be their utter undoing, perpetual infamy, loss, yet they will do it, and become at last _insensati_, void of sense; degenerate into dogs, hogs, asses, brutes; as Jupiter into a bull, Apuleius an ass, Lycaon a wolf, Tereus a lapwing, [5387]Calisto a bear, Elpenor and Grillus info swine by Circe.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,079 ~ ~ ~
Every lover admires his mistress, though she be very deformed of herself, ill-favoured, wrinkled, pimpled, pale, red, yellow, tanned, tallow-faced, have a swollen juggler's platter face, or a thin, lean, chitty face, have clouds in her face, be crooked, dry, bald, goggle-eyed, blear-eyed, or with staring eyes, she looks like a squissed cat, hold her head still awry, heavy, dull, hollow-eyed, black or yellow about the eyes, or squint-eyed, sparrow-mouthed, Persian hook-nosed, have a sharp fox nose, a red nose, China flat, great nose, _nare simo patuloque_, a nose like a promontory, gubber-tushed, rotten teeth, black, uneven, brown teeth, beetle browed, a witch's beard, her breath stink all over the room, her nose drop winter and summer, with a Bavarian poke under her chin, a sharp chin, lave eared, with a long crane's neck, which stands awry too, _pendulis mammis_, "her dugs like two double jugs," or else no dugs, in that other extreme, bloody fallen fingers, she have filthy, long unpared nails, scabbed hands or wrists, a tanned skin, a rotten carcass, crooked back, she stoops, is lame, splay-footed, "as slender in the middle as a cow in the waist," gouty legs, her ankles hang over her shoes, her feet stink, she breed lice, a mere changeling, a very monster, an oaf imperfect, her whole complexion savours, a harsh voice, incondite gesture, vile gait, a vast virago, or an ugly tit, a slug, a fat fustilugs, a truss, a long lean rawbone, a skeleton, a sneaker (_si qua latent meliora puta_), and to thy judgment looks like a merd in a lantern, whom thou couldst not fancy for a world, but hatest, loathest, and wouldst have spit in her face, or blow thy nose in her bosom, _remedium amoris_ to another man, a dowdy, a slut, a scold, a nasty, rank, rammy, filthy, beastly quean, dishonest peradventure, obscene, base, beggarly, rude, foolish, untaught, peevish, Irus' daughter, Thersites' sister, Grobians' scholar, if he love her once, he admires her for all this, he takes no notice of any such errors, or imperfections of body or mind, [5391]_Ipsa haec--delectant, veluti Balbinum Polypus Agnae_,; he had rather have her than any woman in the world.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,135 ~ ~ ~
"Come to me my dear Lycias," (saith Musaeus in [5419]Aristaenetus) "come quickly sweetheart, all other men are satyrs, mere clowns, blockheads to thee, nobody to thee."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,296 ~ ~ ~
but a very ass, insomuch that his father being ashamed of him, sent him to a farmhouse he had in the country, to be brought up.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,299 ~ ~ ~
In a word, I may say thus much of them all, let them be never so clownish, rude and horrid, Grobians and sluts, if once they be in love they will be most neat and spruce; for, [5505]_Omnibus rebus, et nitidis nitoribus antevenit amor_, they will follow the fashion, begin to trick up, and to have a good opinion of themselves, _venustatem enim mater Venus_; a ship is not so long a rigging as a young gentlewoman a trimming up herself against her sweetheart comes.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,402 ~ ~ ~
Your most grim stoics and severe philosophers will melt away with this passion, and if [5547]Atheneus belie them not, Aristippus, Apollodorus, Antiphanes, &c., have made love-songs and commentaries of their mistress' praises, [5548]orators write epistles, princes give titles, honours, what not?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,691 ~ ~ ~
Tell him but how he was scoffed at behind his back, ('tis the counsel of Avicenna), that his love is false, and entertains another, rejects him, cares not for him, or that she is a fool; a nasty quean, a slut, a vixen, a scold, a devil, or, which Italians commonly do, that he or she hath some loathsome filthy disease, gout, stone, strangury, falling sickness, and that they are hereditary, not to be avoided, he is subject to a consumption, hath the pox, that he hath three or four incurable tetters, issues; that she is bald, her breath stinks, she is mad by inheritance, and so are all the kindred, a hair-brain, with many other secret infirmities, which I will not so much as name, belonging to women.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,737 ~ ~ ~
If he love at all, she is either an honest woman or a whore.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,747 ~ ~ ~
amoribus_, Aeneas Sylvius' tart Epistle, which he wrote to his friend Nicholas of Warthurge, which he calls _medelam illiciti amoris_ &c. [5702]"For what's a whore," as he saith, "but a poller of youth, a [5703]ruin of men, a destruction, a devourer of patrimonies, a downfall of honour, fodder for the devil, the gate of death, and supplement of hell?"
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,750 ~ ~ ~
Aretine's Lucretia, a notable quean, confesseth: "Gluttony, anger, envy, pride, sacrilege, theft, slaughter, were all born that day that a whore began her profession; for," as she follows it, "her pride is greater than a rich churl's, she is more envious than the pox, as malicious as melancholy, as covetous as hell.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,751 ~ ~ ~
If from the beginning of the world any were _mala, pejor, pessima_, bad in the superlative degree, 'tis a whore; how many have I undone, caused to be wounded, slain!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,812 ~ ~ ~
Take her skin from her face, and thou shalt see all loathsomeness under it, that beauty is a superficial skin and bones, nerves, sinews: suppose her sick, now rivelled, hoary-headed, hollow-cheeked, old; within she is full of filthy phlegm, stinking, putrid, excremental stuff: snot and snivel in her nostrils, spittle in her mouth, water in her eyes, what filth in her brains," &c. Or take her at best, and look narrowly upon her in the light, stand near her, nearer yet, thou shalt perceive almost as much, and love less, as [5744] Cardan well writes, _minus amant qui acute vident_, though Scaliger deride him for it: if he see her near, or look exactly at such a posture, whosoever he is, according to the true rules of symmetry and proportion, those I mean of Albertus Durer, Lomatius and Tasnier, examine him of her.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,813 ~ ~ ~
If he be _elegans formarum spectator_ he shall find many faults in physiognomy, and ill colour: if form, one side of the face likely bigger than the other, or crooked nose, bad eyes, prominent veins, concavities about the eyes, wrinkles, pimples, red streaks, freckles, hairs, warts, neves, inequalities, roughness, scabredity, paleness, yellowness, and as many colours as are in a turkeycock's neck, many indecorums in their other parts; _est quod desideres, est quod amputes_, one leers, another frowns, a third gapes, squints, &c. And 'tis true that he saith, [5745]_Diligenter consideranti raro facies absoluta, et quae vitio caret_, seldom shall you find an absolute face without fault, as I have often observed; not in the face alone is this defect or disproportion to be found; but in all the other parts, of body and mind; she is fair, indeed, but foolish; pretty, comely, and decent, of a majestical presence, but peradventure, imperious, dishonest, _acerba, iniqua_, self-willed: she is rich, but deformed; hath a sweet face, but bad carriage, no bringing up, a rude and wanton flirt; a neat body she hath, but it is a nasty quean otherwise, a very slut, of a bad kind.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,930 ~ ~ ~
'Tis too common in the middle sort; thy son's a drunkard, a gamester, a spendthrift; thy daughter a fool, a whore; thy servants lazy drones and thieves; thy neighbours devils, they will make thee weary of thy life.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 13,933 ~ ~ ~
Take heed; if she be a slut, thou wilt loathe her; if proud, she'll beggar thee, so [5793]"she'll spend thy patrimony in baubles, all Arabia will not serve to perfume her hair," saith Lucian; if fair and wanton, she'll make thee a cornuto; if deformed, she will paint.
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90._ reckons up many magnetical medicines, as to piss through a ring, &c. Mizaldus _cent.
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They begin to be contemned themselves of others, as he was of his shadow, and take up with a poor curate, or an old serving-man at last, that might have had their choice of right good matches in their youth; like that generous mare, in [5854]Plutarch, which would admit of none but great horses, but when her tail was cut off and mane shorn close, and she now saw herself so deformed in the water, when she came to drink, _ab asino conscendi se passa_, she was contented at last to be covered by an ass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,325 ~ ~ ~
Many poor people, and of the meaner sort, are too distrustful of God's providence, "they will not, dare not for such worldly respects," fear of want, woes, miseries, or that they shall light, as [5928]"Lemnius saith, on a scold, a slut, or a bad wife."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,489 ~ ~ ~
For these causes I will dilate, and treat of it by itself, as a bastard-branch or kind of love-melancholy, which, as heroical love goeth commonly before marriage, doth usually follow, torture, and crucify in like sort, deserves therefore to be rectified alike, requires as much care and industry, in setting out the several causes of it, prognostics and cures.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,698 ~ ~ ~
Or that they care little for their own ladies, and fear no laws, they dare freely keep whores at their wives' noses.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,707 ~ ~ ~
[6086]_Urbani servate uxores, maechum calvum adducimus_; besides, this bald Caesar, saith Curio in Sueton, was _omnium mulierum vir_; he made love to Eunoe, queen of Mauritania; to Cleopatra; to Posthumia, wife to Sergius Sulpitius; to Lollia, wife to Gabinius; to Tertulla, of Crassus; to Mutia, Pompey's wife, and I know not how many besides: and well he might, for, if all be true that I have read, he had a license to lie with whom he list.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,713 ~ ~ ~
[6087]Philippus Bonus left fourteen bastards.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,725 ~ ~ ~
[6093] _Quam sese ore ferens, quam forti pectore et armis_, how bravely did he discourse, ride, sing, and dance, &c., and then she begins to loathe her husband, _repugnans osculatur_, to hate him and his filthy beard, his goatish complexion, as Doris said of Polyphemus, [6094]_totus qui saniem, totus ut hircus olet_, he is a rammy fulsome fellow, a goblin-faced fellow, he smells, he stinks, _Et caepas simul alliumque ructat_ [6095]--_si quando ad thalamum_, &c., how like a dizzard, a fool, an ass, he looks, how like a clown he behaves himself!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,764 ~ ~ ~
_Symptoms of Jealousy, Fear, Sorrow, Suspicion, strange Actions, Gestures, Outrages, Locking up, Oaths, Trials, Laws, &c._ Of all passions, as I have already proved, love is most violent, and of those bitter potions which this love-melancholy affords, this bastard jealousy is the greatest, as appears by those prodigious symptoms which it hath, and that it produceth.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,771 ~ ~ ~
_Nempe suos imbres etiam ista tonitrua fundunt_,[6127]--swear and belie, slander any man, curse, threaten, brawl, scold, fight; and sometimes again flatter and speak fair, ask forgiveness, kiss and coll, condemn his rashness and folly, vow, protest, and swear he will never do so again; and then eftsoons, impatient as he is, rave, roar, and lay about him like a madman, thump her sides, drag her about perchance, drive her out of doors, send her home, he will be divorced forthwith, she is a whore, &c., and by-and-by with all submission compliment, entreat her fair, and bring her in again, he loves her dearly, she is his sweet, most kind and loving wife, he will not change, nor leave her for a kingdom; so he continues off and on, as the toy takes him, the object moves him, but most part brawling, fretting, unquiet he is, accusing and suspecting not strangers only, but brothers and sisters, father and mother, nearest and dearest friends.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,777 ~ ~ ~
&c., a whore, a whore, an arrant whore.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,789 ~ ~ ~
He calls her on a sudden all to nought, she is a strumpet, a light housewife, a bitch, an arrant whore.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,863 ~ ~ ~
5. de secret_, by stones, perfumes, to make them piss, and confess I know not what in their sleep; some jealous brain was the first founder of them.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,964 ~ ~ ~
And 'tis most part true which that Caledonian lady, [6177]Argetocovus, a British prince's wife, told Julia Augusta, when she took her up for dishonesty, "We Britons are naught at least with some few choice men of the better sort, but you Romans lie with every base knave, you are a company of common whores."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 14,994 ~ ~ ~
Yea but thou repliest, 'tis not the like reason betwixt man and woman, through her fault my children are bastards, I may not endure it; [6187]_Sit amarulenta, sit imperiosa prodiga_, &c. Let her scold, brawl, and spend, I care not, _modo sit casta_, so she be honest, I could easily bear it; but this I cannot, I may not, I will not; "my faith, my fame, mine eye must not be touched," as the diverb is, _Non patitur tactum fama, fides, oculus._ I say the same of my wife, touch all, use all, take all but this.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,052 ~ ~ ~
And though he will not _omnibus dormire_, be an ass, as he is an ox, yet to wink at it as many do is not amiss at some times, in some cases, to some parties, if it be for his commodity, or some great man's sake, his landlord, patron, benefactor, (as Calbas the Roman saith [6211]Plutarch did by Maecenas, and Phayllus of Argos did by King Philip, when he promised him an office on that condition he might lie with his wife) and so let it pass: [6212] "pol me haud poenitet, Scilicet boni dimidium dividere cum Jove," "it never troubles me" (saith Amphitrio) "to be cornuted by Jupiter," let it not molest thee then; be friends with her; [6213] "Tu cum Alcmena uxore antiquam in gratiam Redi"------ "Receive Alcmena to your grace again;" let it, I say, make no breach of love between you.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,078 ~ ~ ~
[6229] Hierome, king of Syracuse in Sicily, espoused himself to Pitho, keeper of the stews; and Ptolemy took Thais a common whore to be his wife, had two sons, Leontiscus and Lagus by her, and one daughter Irene: 'tis therefore no such unlikely thing.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,145 ~ ~ ~
A citizen of Bizance in France had a filthy, dowdy, deformed slut to his wife, and finding her in bed with another man, cried out as one amazed; _O miser!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,176 ~ ~ ~
Let them have their liberty in good sort, and go in good sort, _modo non annos viginti aetatis suae domi relinquant_, as a good fellow said, so that they look not twenty years younger abroad than they do at home, they be not spruce, neat, angels abroad, beasts, dowdies, sluts at home; but seek by all means to please and give content to their husbands: to be quiet above all things, obedient, silent and patient; if they be incensed, angry, chid a little, their wives must not [6285]cample again, but take it in good part.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,366 ~ ~ ~
The part affected of superstition, is the brain, heart, will, understanding, soul itself, and all the faculties of it, _totum compositum_, all is mad and dotes: now for the extent, as I say, the world itself is the subject of it, (to omit that grand sin of atheism,) all times have been misaffected, past, present, "there is not one that doth good, no not one, from the prophet to the priest," &c. A lamentable thing it is to consider, how many myriads of men this idolatry and superstition (for that comprehends all) hath infatuated in all ages, besotted by this blind zeal, which is religion's ape, religion's bastard, religion's shadow, false glass.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,441 ~ ~ ~
[6383]St. George fought in person for John the Bastard of Portugal, against the Castilians; St. James for the Spaniards in America.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,508 ~ ~ ~
[6416]One while by bulls, pardons, indulgencies, and their doctrines of good works, that they be meritorious, hope of heaven, by that means they have so fleeced the commonalty, and spurred on this free superstitious horse, that he runs himself blind, and is an ass to carry burdens.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 15,740 ~ ~ ~
And not good men only do they thus adore, but tyrants, monsters, devils, (as [6509] Stuckius inveighs) Neros, Domitians, Heliogables, beastly women, and arrant whores amongst the rest.