Vulgar words in Poetical Works (Page 1)
This book at a glance
~ ~ ~ Sentence 23 ~ ~ ~
In his "Ghost," for instance, he thus ridiculed those forms of admission-- "Which Balaam's ass As well as Balaam's self might pass, And with his master take degrees, Could he contrive to pay the fees."
~ ~ ~ Sentence 209 ~ ~ ~
The first pronounced him "a prolific blockhead," "a huge and fertile crab-tree;" the second has wielded the knout against his back with peculiar gusto and emphasis, in a paper on satire and satirists, published in _Blackwood_ for 1828.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 256 ~ ~ ~
twice I strove to gain Admittance 'mongst the law-instructed train, Who, in the Temple and Gray's Inn, prepare For clients' wretched feet the legal snare; Dead to those arts which polish and refine, Deaf to all worth, because that worth was mine, Twice did those blockheads startle at my name, And foul rejection gave me up to shame.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 264 ~ ~ ~
With that low cunning, which in fools supplies, And amply too, the place of being wise, Which Nature, kind, indulgent parent, gave To qualify the blockhead for a knave; 120 With that smooth falsehood, whose appearance charms, And Reason of each wholesome doubt disarms, Which to the lowest depths of guile descends, By vilest means pursues the vilest ends; Wears Friendship's mask for purposes of spite, Pawns in the day, and butchers in the night; With that malignant envy which turns pale, And sickens, even if a friend prevail, Which merit and success pursues with hate, And damns the worth it cannot imitate; 130 With the cold caution of a coward's spleen, Which fears not guilt, but always seeks a screen, Which keeps this maxim ever in her view-- What's basely done, should be done safely too; With that dull, rooted, callous impudence, Which, dead to shame and every nicer sense, Ne'er blush'd, unless, in spreading Vice's snares, She blunder'd on some virtue unawares; With all these blessings, which we seldom find Lavish'd by Nature on one happy mind, 140 A motley figure, of the Fribble tribe, Which heart can scarce conceive, or pen describe, Came simpering on--to ascertain whose sex Twelve sage impannell'd matrons would perplex.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 686 ~ ~ ~
The mighty monarch, in theatric sack, Carries his whole regalia at his back; His royal consort heads the female band, And leads the heir apparent in her hand; The pannier'd ass creeps on with conscious pride, Bearing a future prince on either side.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 797 ~ ~ ~
To reap the profits of his labour'd plan, Some cringing lackey, or rapacious whore, To favours of the great the surest door, Some catamite, or pimp, in credit grown, Who tempts another's wife, or sells his own, Steps 'cross his hopes, the promised boon denies, And for some minion's minion claims the prize.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 835 ~ ~ ~
Should raging passion drive thee to a whore, Let Prudence lead thee to a postern door; 320 Stay out all night, but take especial care That Prudence bring thee back to early prayer.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 890 ~ ~ ~
Oft have I heard thee mourn the wretched lot Of the poor, mean, despised, insulted Scot, 180 Who, might calm reason credit idle tales, By rancour forged where prejudice prevails, Or starves at home, or practises, through fear Of starving, arts which damn all conscience here.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 960 ~ ~ ~
Pent in this barren corner of the isle, Where partial fortune never deign'd to smile; Like nature's bastards, reaping for our share What was rejected by the lawful heir; Unknown amongst the nations of the earth, Or only known to raise contempt and mirth; Long free, because the race of Roman braves Thought it not worth their while to make us slaves; 430 Then into bondage by that nation brought, Whose ruin we for ages vainly sought; Whom still with unslaked hate we view, and still, The power of mischief lost, retain the will; Consider'd as the refuse of mankind, A mass till the last moment left behind, Which frugal nature doubted, as it lay, Whether to stamp with life or throw away; Which, form'd in haste, was planted in this nook, But never enter'd in Creation's book; 440 Branded as traitors who, for love of gold, Would sell their God, as once their king they sold,-- Long have we borne this mighty weight of ill, These vile injurious taunts, and bear them still.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,026 ~ ~ ~
130 Had I, with cruel and oppressive rhymes, Pursued and turn'd misfortunes into crimes; Had I, when Virtue gasping lay and low, Join'd tyrant Vice, and added woe to woe; Had I made Modesty in blushes speak, And drawn the tear down Beauty's sacred cheek; Had I (damn'd then) in thought debased my lays, To wound that sex which honour bids me praise; Had I, from vengeance, by base views betray'd.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,052 ~ ~ ~
None but the damn'd, and amongst them the worst, Those who for double guilt are doubly cursed, 270 Can be so lost; nor can the worst of all At once into such deep damnation fall; By painful slow degrees they reach this crime, Which e'en in hell must be a work of time.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,076 ~ ~ ~
When Wilkes, our countryman, our common friend, Arose, his king, his country to defend; When tools of power he bared to public view, And from their holes the sneaking cowards drew; When Rancour found it far beyond her reach To soil his honour, and his truth impeach; What could induce thee, at a time and place Where manly foes had blush'd to show their face, 390 To make that effort which must damn thy name, And sink thee deep, deep in thy grave with shame?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,119 ~ ~ ~
Humour thy province, for some monstrous crime Pride struck thee with the frenzy of sublime; But, when the work was finish'd, could thy mind So partial be, and to herself so blind, What with contempt all view'd, to view with awe, Nor see those faults which every blockhead saw?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,199 ~ ~ ~
210 But should some slave-got villain dare Chains for his country to prepare, And, by his birth to slavery broke, Make her, too, feel the galling yoke, May he be evermore accursed, Amongst bad men be rank'd the worst; May he be still himself, and still Go on in vice, and perfect ill; May his broad crimes each day increase, Till he can't live, nor die in peace; 220 May he be plunged so deep in shame, That Satan mayn't endure his name, And hear, scarce crawling on the earth, His children curse him for their birth; May Liberty, beyond the grave, Ordain him to be still a slave, Grant him what here he most requires, And damn him with his own desires!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,219 ~ ~ ~
In plain and home-spun garb array'd, Not for vain show, but service made, In a green flourishing old age, Not damn'd yet with an equipage, 160 In rules of Porterage untaught, Simplicity, not worth a groat, For years had kept the Temple-door; Full on his breast a glass he wore, Through which his bosom open lay To every one who pass'd that way: Now turn'd adrift, with humbler face, But prouder heart, his vacant place Corruption fills, and bears the key; No entrance now without a fee.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,259 ~ ~ ~
He drank with drunkards, lived with sinners, Herded with infidels for dinners; With such an emphasis and grace Blasphemed, that Potter kept not pace: He, in the highest reign of noon, Bawled bawdy songs to a psalm tune; 190 Lived with men infamous and vile, Truck'd his salvation for a smile; To catch their humour caught their plan, And laugh'd at God to laugh with man; Praised them, when living, in each breath, And damn'd their memories after death.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,381 ~ ~ ~
Frore January, leader of the year, Minced-pies in van, and calves' heads in the rear; Dull February, in whose leaden reign My mother bore a bard without a brain; March, various, fierce, and wild, with wind-crack'd cheeks, By wilder Welshmen led, and crown'd with leeks; April, with fools, and May, with bastards bless'd; June, with White Roses on her rebel breast; 390 July, to whom, the Dog-star in her train, Saint James gives oysters, and Saint Swithin rain; August, who, banish'd from her Smithfield stand, To Chelsea flies, with Doggett in her hand; September, when by custom (right divine) Geese are ordain'd to bleed at Michael's shrine, Whilst the priest, not so full of grace as wit, Falls to, unbless'd, nor gives the saint a bit; October, who the cause of Freedom join'd, And gave a second George to bless mankind; 400 November, who, at once to grace our earth, Saint Andrew boasts, and our Augusta's birth; December, last of months, but best, who gave A Christ to man, a Saviour to the slave, Whilst, falsely grateful, man, at the full feast, To do God honour makes himself a beast; All, one and all, shall in this chorus join, And, dumb to others' praise, be loud in mine.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,435 ~ ~ ~
in a dearth Of letter'd blockheads, conscious of the worth Of my materials, which against your will Oft you've confess'd, and shall confess it still; Materials rich, though rude, inflamed with thought, Though more by Fancy than by Judgment wrought Take, use them as your own, a work begin Which suits your genius well, and weave them in, 230 Framed for the critic loom, with critic art, Till, thread on thread depending, part on part, Colour with colour mingling, light with shade, To your dull taste a formal work is made, And, having wrought them into one grand piece, Swear it surpasses Rome, and rivals Greece.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,441 ~ ~ ~
To whose dear love, though not engaged by birth, My heart is fix'd, my service deeply sworn, How, (by thy father can that thought be borne?-- For monarchs, would they all but think like me, Are only fathers in the best degree) How must thy glories fade, in every land Thy name be laugh'd to scorn, thy mighty hand Be shorten'd, and thy zeal, by foes confess'd, Bless'd in thyself, to make thy neighbours bless'd, 260 Be robb'd of vigour; how must Freedom's pile, The boast of ages, which adorns the isle And makes it great and glorious, fear'd abroad, Happy at home, secure from force and fraud; How must that pile, by ancient Wisdom raised On a firm rock, by friends admired and praised, Envied by foes, and wonder'd at by all, In one short moment into ruins fall, Should any slip of Stuart's tyrant race, Or bastard or legitimate, disgrace 270 Thy royal seat of empire!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,457 ~ ~ ~
To vain expense unbounded loose he gave, The dupe of minions, and of slaves the slave; 370 On false pretences mighty sums he raised, And damn'd those senates rich, whom poor he praised; From empire thrown, and doom'd to beg her bread, On foreign bounty whilst a daughter fed, He lavish'd sums, for her received, on men Whose names would fix dishonour on my pen.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,474 ~ ~ ~
That all mankind were made for kings alone; That subjects were but slaves; and what was whim, Or worse, in common men, was law in him; Drunk with Prerogative, which Fate decreed To guard good kings, and tyrants to mislead; 450 Which in a fair proportion to deny Allegiance dares not; which to hold too high, No good can wish, no coward king can dare, And, held too high, no English subject bear; Besieged by men of deep and subtle arts, Men void of principle, and damn'd with parts, Who saw his weakness, made their king their tool, Then most a slave, when most he seem'd to rule; Taking all public steps for private ends, Deceived by favourites, whom he called friends, 460 He had not strength enough of soul to find That monarchs, meant as blessings to mankind, Sink their great state, and stamp their fame undone, When what was meant for all, they give to one.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,613 ~ ~ ~
From those whom Time, at the desire of Fame, Hath spared, let Virtue catch an equal flame; From those who, not in mercy, but in rage, Time hath reprieved, to damn from age to age, Let me take warning, lesson'd to distil, And, imitating Heaven, draw good from ill.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,668 ~ ~ ~
O'er crabbed authors life's gay prime to waste, To cramp wild genius in the chains of taste, To bear the slavish drudgery of schools, And tamely stoop to every pedant's rules; For seven long years debarr'd of liberal ease, To plod in college trammels to degrees; Beneath the weight of solemn toys to groan, Sleep over books, and leave mankind unknown; 20 To praise each senior blockhead's threadbare tale, And laugh till reason blush, and spirits fail; Manhood with vile submission to disgrace, And cap the fool, whose merit is his place, Vice-Chancellors, whose knowledge is but small, And Chancellors, who nothing know at all: Ill-brook'd the generous spirit in those days When learning was the certain road to praise, When nobles, with a love of science bless'd, Approved in others what themselves possess'd.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,685 ~ ~ ~
How do I laugh, when Publius, hoary grown In zeal for Scotland's welfare, and his own, By slow degrees, and course of office, drawn In mood and figure at the helm to yawn, 110 Too mean (the worst of curses Heaven can send) To have a foe, too proud to have a friend; Erring by form, which blockheads sacred hold, Ne'er making new faults, and ne'er mending old, Rebukes my spirit, bids the daring Muse Subjects more equal to her weakness choose; Bids her frequent the haunts of humble swains, Nor dare to traffic in ambitious strains; Bids her, indulging the poetic whim In quaint-wrought ode, or sonnet pertly trim, 120 Along the church-way path complain with Gray, Or dance with Mason on the first of May!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,725 ~ ~ ~
Dost thou sage Murphy for a blockhead take, Who wages war with Vice for Virtue's sake?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,731 ~ ~ ~
On Authors for defence, for praise depend; Pay him but well, and Murphy is thy friend: He, he shall ready stand with venal rhymes, To varnish guilt, and consecrate thy crimes; To make Corruption in false colours shine, And damn his own good name, to rescue thine.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,752 ~ ~ ~
By Cleland tutor'd, and with Blacow bred, (Blacow, whom, by a brave resentment led, Oxford, if Oxford had not sunk in fame, Ere this, had damn'd to everlasting shame) Their steps he follows, and their crimes partakes; To virtue lost, to vice alone he wakes, Most lusciously declaims 'gainst luscious themes, And whilst he rails at blasphemy, blasphemes.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,817 ~ ~ ~
By candour more inclined to save, than damn, A generous Public made me what I am.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,883 ~ ~ ~
our monarch, glorious and beloved, Sleeps with his fathers, should imperious Fate, In vengeance, with fresh Stuarts curse our state; Should they, o'erleaping every fence of law, Butcher the brave to keep tame fools in awe; Should they, by brutal and oppressive force, Divert sweet Justice from her even course; Should they, of every other means bereft, Make my right hand a witness 'gainst my left; 370 Should they, abroad by inquisitions taught, Search out my soul, and damn me for a thought; Still would I keep my course, still speak, still write, Till Death had plunged me in the shades of night.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,917 ~ ~ ~
Prophets, embodied in a college (Time out of mind your seat of knowledge; 80 For genius never fruit can bear Unless it first is planted there, And solid learning never falls Without the verge of college walls) Infallible accounts would keep When it was best to watch or sleep, To eat or drink, to go or stay, And when to fight or run away; When matters were for action ripe, By looking at a double tripe; 90 When emperors would live or die, They in an ass's skull could spy; When generals would their station keep, Or turn their backs, in hearts of sheep.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,938 ~ ~ ~
320 The parson, too, (for now and then Parsons are just like other men, And here and there a grave divine Has passions such as yours and mine) Burning with holy lust to know When Fate preferment will bestow, 'Fraid of detection, not of sin, With circumspection sneaking in To conjurer, as he does to whore, Through some bye-alley or back-door, 330 With the same caution orthodox Consults the stars, and gets a pox.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 1,973 ~ ~ ~
In the broad, beaten turnpike-road Of hacknied panegyric ode, No modern poet dares to ride Without Apollo by his side, Nor in a sonnet take the air, Unless his lady Muse be there; She, from some amaranthine grove, Where little Loves and Graces rove, 90 The laurel to my lord must bear, Or garlands make for whores to wear; She, with soft elegiac verse, Must grace some mighty villain's hearse, Or for some infant, doom'd by Fate To wallow in a large estate, With rhymes the cradle must adorn, To tell the world a fool is born.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,026 ~ ~ ~
Avaro, by long use grown bold In every ill which brings him gold, Who his Reedemer would pull down, And sell his God for half-a-crown; 460 Who, if some blockhead should be willing To lend him on his soul a shilling, A well-made bargain would esteem it, And have more sense than to redeem it, Justice shall in those shades confine, To drudge for Plutus in the mine, All the day long to toil and roar, And, cursing, work the stubborn ore, For coxcombs here, who have no brains, Without a sixpence for his pains: 470 Thence, with each due return of night, Compell'd, the tall, thin, half-starved sprite Shall earth revisit, and survey The place where once his treasure lay, Shall view the stall where holy Pride, With letter'd Ignorance allied, Once hail'd him mighty and adored, Descended to another lord: Then shall he, screaming, pierce the air, Hang his lank jaws, and scowl despair; 480 Then shall he ban at Heaven's decrees, And, howling, sink to Hell for ease.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,050 ~ ~ ~
Pomposo, (insolent and loud, Vain idol of a scribbling crowd, Whose very name inspires an awe, Whose every word is sense and law, For what his greatness hath decreed, Like laws of Persia and of Mede, Sacred through all the realm of Wit, Must never of repeal admit; 660 Who, cursing flattery, is the tool Of every fawning, flattering fool; Who wit with jealous eye surveys, And sickens at another's praise; Who, proudly seized of Learning's throne, Now damns all learning but his own; Who scorns those common wares to trade in, Reasoning, convincing, and persuading, But makes each sentence current pass With puppy, coxcomb, scoundrel, ass; 670 For 'tis with him a certain rule, The folly's proved when he calls fool; Who, to increase his native strength, Draws words six syllables in length, With which, assisted with a frown By way of club, he knocks us down; Who 'bove the vulgar dares to rise, And sense of decency defies; For this same decency is made Only for bunglers in the trade, 680 And, like the cobweb laws, is still Broke through by great ones when they will)-- Pomposo, with strong sense supplied, Supported, and confirm'd by Pride, His comrades' terrors to beguile 'Grinn'd horribly a ghastly smile:' Features so horrid, were it light, Would put the Devil himself to flight.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,056 ~ ~ ~
Fools, rogues, and whores, if rich and great, Proud even in death, here rot in state.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,103 ~ ~ ~
280 To higher subjects now she soars, And talks of politics and whores; (If to your nice and chaster ears That term indelicate appears, Scripture politely shall refine, And melt it into concubine) In the same breath spreads Bourbon's league; And publishes the grand intrigue; In Brussels or our own Gazette Makes armies fight which never met, 290 And circulates the pox or plague To London, by the way of Hague; For all the lies which there appear Stamp'd with authority come here; Borrows as freely from the gabble Of some rude leader of a rabble, Or from the quaint harangues of those Who lead a nation by the nose, As from those storms which, void of art, Burst from our honest patriot's heart, 300 When Eloquence and Virtue, (late Remark'd to live in mutual hate) Fond of each other's friendship grown, Claim every sentence for their own; And with an equal joy recites Parade amours and half-pay fights, Perform'd by heroes of fair weather, Merely by dint of lace and feather, As those rare acts which Honour taught Our daring sons where Granby fought, 310 Or those which, with superior skill, Sackville achieved by standing still.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,164 ~ ~ ~
Oh, that Religion's sacred name, Meant to inspire the purest flame, 770 A prostitute should ever be To that arch-fiend Hypocrisy, Where we find every other vice Crown'd with damn'd sneaking cowardice!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,206 ~ ~ ~
To Avarice by birth allied, Debauch'd by marriage into Pride, 1000 In age grown fond of youthful sports, Of pomps, of vanities, and courts, And by success too mighty made To love his country or his trade; Stiff in opinion, (no rare case With blockheads in or out of place) Too weak, and insolent of soul To suffer Reason's just control, But bending, of his own accord, To that trim transient toy, my lord; 1010 The dupe of Scots, (a fatal race, Whom God in wrath contrived to place To scourge our crimes, and gall our pride, A constant thorn in England's side; Whom first, our greatness to oppose, He in his vengeance mark'd for foes; Then, more to serve his wrathful ends, And more to curse us, mark'd for friends) Deep in the state, if we give credit To him, for no one else e'er said it, 1020 Sworn friend of great ones not a few, Though he their titles only knew, And those (which, envious of his breeding, Book-worms have charged to want of reading) Merely to show himself polite He never would pronounce aright; An orator with whom a host Of those which Rome and Athens boast, In all their pride might not contend; Who, with no powers to recommend, 1030 Whilst Jackey Hume, and Billy Whitehead, And Dicky Glover, sat delighted, Could speak whole days in Nature's spite, Just as those able versemen write; Great Dulman from his bed arose-- Thrice did he spit--thrice wiped his nose-- Thrice strove to smile--thrice strove to frown-- And thrice look'd up--and thrice look'd down-- Then silence broke--'Crape, who am I?'
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,218 ~ ~ ~
Have I not, as a Justice ought, The laws such wholesome rigour taught, That Fornication, in disgrace, Is now afraid to show her face, And not one whore these walls approaches Unless they ride in their own coaches?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,228 ~ ~ ~
1130 'Crape, they're all wrong about this ghost-- Quite on the wrong side of the post-- Blockheads!
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,260 ~ ~ ~
Not such as in that solemn seat, Where the Nine Ladies hold retreat,-- The Ladies Nine, who, as we're told, Scorning those haunts they loved of old, 100 The banks of Isis now prefer, Nor will one hour from Oxford stir,-- Are held for form, which Balaam's ass As well as Balaam's self might pass, And with his master take degrees, Could he contrive to pay the fees.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,294 ~ ~ ~
Who, by all-bounteous Nature meant For offices of hardiment, 490 A modern Hercules at least, To rid the world of each wild beast, Of each wild beast which came in view, Whether on four legs or on two, Degenerate, delights to prove His force on the parade of Love, Disclaims the joys which camps afford, And for the distaff quits the sword; Who fond of women would appear To public eye and public ear, 500 But, when in private, lets them know How little they can trust to show; Who sports a woman, as of course, Just as a jockey shows a horse, And then returns her to the stable, Or vainly plants her at his table, Where he would rather Venus find (So pall'd, and so depraved his mind) Than, by some great occasion led, To seize her panting in her bed, 510 Burning with more than mortal fires, And melting in her own desires; Who, ripe in years, is yet a child, Through fashion, not through feeling, wild; Whate'er in others, who proceed As Sense and Nature have decreed, From real passion flows, in him Is mere effect of mode and whim; Who laughs, a very common way, Because he nothing has to say, 520 As your choice spirits oaths dispense To fill up vacancies of sense; Who, having some small sense, defies it, Or, using, always misapplies it; Who now and then brings something forth Which seems indeed of sterling worth; Something, by sudden start and fit, Which at a distance looks like wit, But, on examination near, To his confusion will appear, 530 By Truth's fair glass, to be at best A threadbare jester's threadbare jest; Who frisks and dances through the street, Sings without voice, rides without seat, Plays o'er his tricks, like Aesop's ass, A gratis fool to all who pass; Who riots, though he loves not waste, Whores without lust, drinks without taste, Acts without sense, talks without thought, Does every thing but what he ought; 540 Who, led by forms, without the power Of vice, is vicious; who one hour, Proud without pride, the next will be Humble without humility: Whose vanity we all discern, The spring on which his actions turn; Whose aim in erring, is to err, So that he may be singular, And all his utmost wishes mean Is, though he's laugh'd at, to be seen: 550 Such, (for when Flattery's soothing strain Had robb'd the Muse of her disdain, And found a method to persuade Her art to soften every shade, Justice, enraged, the pencil snatch'd From her degenerate hand, and scratch'd Out every trace; then, quick as thought, From life this striking likeness caught) In mind, in manners, and in mien, Such Whiffle came, and such was seen 560 In the world's eye; but (strange to tell!)
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,323 ~ ~ ~
By why should the distemper'd scold Attempt to blacken men enroll'd In Power's dread book, whose mighty skill Can twist an empire to their will; Whose voice is fate, and on their tongue Law, liberty, and life are hung; Whom, on inquiry, Truth shall find With Stuarts link'd, time out of mind, 870 Superior to their country's laws, Defenders of a tyrant's cause; Men, who the same damn'd maxims hold Darkly, which they avow'd of old; Who, though by different means, pursue The end which they had first in view, And, force found vain, now play their part With much less honour, much more art?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,380 ~ ~ ~
For as my aim, at every hour, Is to be well with those in power, 1290 And my material point of view, Whoever's in, to be in too, I should not, like a blockhead, choose To gain these, so as those to lose: 'Tis good in every case, you know, To have two strings unto our bow.'
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,421 ~ ~ ~
Hung round with instruments of death, The sight of him would stop the breath 1590 Of braggart Cowardice, and make The very court Drawcansir quake; With dirks, which, in the hands of Spite, Do their damn'd business in the night, From Scotland sent, but here display'd Only to fill up the parade; With swords, unflesh'd, of maiden hue, Which rage or valour never drew; With blunderbusses, taught to ride Like pocket-pistols, by his side, 1600 In girdle stuck, he seem'd to be A little moving armoury.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,427 ~ ~ ~
In plain and decent garb array'd, With the prim Quaker, Fraud, came Trade; Connivance, to improve the plan, Habited like a juryman, Judging as interest prevails, Came next, with measures, weights, and scales; Extortion next, of hellish race A cub most damn'd, to show his face 1650 Forbid by fear, but not by shame, Turn'd to a Jew, like Gideon came; Corruption, Midas-like, behold Turning whate'er she touch'd to gold; Impotence, led by Lust, and Pride, Strutting with Ponton by her side; Hypocrisy, demure and sad, In garments of the priesthood clad, So well disguised, that you might swear, Deceived, a very priest was there; 1660 Bankruptcy, full of ease and health, And wallowing in well-saved wealth, Came sneering through a ruin'd band, And bringing B---- in her hand; Victory, hanging down her head, Was by a Highland stallion led; Peace, clothed in sables, with a face Which witness'd sense of huge disgrace, Which spake a deep and rooted shame Both of herself and of her name, 1670 Mourning creeps on, and, blushing, feels War, grim War, treading on her heels; Pale Credit, shaken by the arts Of men with bad heads and worse hearts, Taking no notice of a band Which near her were ordain'd to stand, Well-nigh destroyed by sickly fit, Look'd wistful all around for Pitt; Freedom--at that most hallow'd name My spirits mount into a flame, 1680 Each pulse beats high, and each nerve strains, Even to the cracking; through my veins The tides of life more rapid run, And tell me I am Freedom's son-- Freedom came next, but scarce was seen, When the sky, which appear'd serene And gay before, was overcast; Horror bestrode a foreign blast, And from the prison of the North, To Freedom deadly, storms burst forth.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,444 ~ ~ ~
Paleness, not such as on his wings The messenger of Sickness brings, 1880 But such as takes its coward rise From conscious baseness, conscious vice, O'erspread his cheeks; Disdain and Pride, To upstart fortunes ever tied, Scowl'd on his brow; within his eye, Insidious, lurking like a spy, To Caution principled by Fear, Not daring open to appear, Lodged covert Mischief; Passion hung On his lip quivering; on his tongue 1890 Fraud dwelt at large; within his breast All that makes villain found a nest; All that, on Hell's completest plan, E'er join'd to damn the heart of man.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,577 ~ ~ ~
What though they lay the realms of Genius waste, Fetter the fancy and debauch the taste; Though they, like doctors, to approve their skill, Consult not how to cure, but how to kill; Though by whim, envy, or resentment led, They damn those authors whom they never read; Though, other rules unknown, one rule they hold, To deal out so much praise for so much gold: 60 Though Scot with Scot, in damned close intrigues, Against the commonwealth of letters leagues; Uncensured let them pilot at the helm, And rule in letters, as they ruled the realm: Ours be the curse, the mean tame coward's curse, (Nor could ingenious Malice make a worse, To do our sense and honour deep despite) To credit what they say, read what they write.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,593 ~ ~ ~
Nor soul-gall'd bishop damn me with a note.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,629 ~ ~ ~
To whip a top, to knuckle down at taw, To swing upon a gate, to ride a straw, To play at push-pin with dull brother peers, To belch out catches in a porter's ears, To reign the monarch of a midnight cell, To be the gaping chairman's oracle; 330 Whilst, in most blessed union, rogue and whore Clap hands, huzza, and hiccup out, 'Encore;' Whilst gray Authority, who slumbers there In robes of watchman's fur, gives up his chair; With midnight howl to bay the affrighted moon, To walk with torches through the streets at noon; To force plain Nature from her usual way, Each night a vigil, and a blank each day; To match for speed one feather 'gainst another, To make one leg run races with his brother; 340 'Gainst all the rest to take the northern wind, Bute to ride first, and he to ride behind; To coin newfangled wagers, and to lay 'em, Laying to lose, and losing not to pay 'em; Lothario, on that stock which Nature gives, Without a rival stands, though March yet lives.
~ ~ ~ Sentence 2,646 ~ ~ ~
Is Science by a blockhead to be led?
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committed to his trust, To a rank letcher's coarse and bloated lust The arch, old, hoary hypocrite had sold, And thought himself and her well damn'd for gold.
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Burton (whilst awkward affectation hung In quaint and labour'd accents on his tongue, Who 'gainst their will makes junior blockheads speak, Ignorant of both, new Latin and new Greek, 720 Not such as was in Greece and Latium known, But of a modern cut, and all his own; Who threads, like beads, loose thoughts on such a string, They're praise and censure; nothing, every thing; Pantomime thoughts, and style so full of trick, They even make a Merry Andrew sick; Thoughts all so dull, so pliant in their growth, They're verse, they're prose, they're neither, and they're both) Shall (though by nature ever both to praise) Thy curious worth set forth in curious phrase; 730 Obscurely stiff, shall press poor Sense to death, Or in long periods run her out of breath; Shall make a babe, for which, with all his fame, Adam could not have found a proper name, Whilst, beating out his features to a smile, He hugs the bastard brat, and calls it Style.
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Or, baffled there, may, turbulent of soul, Cramp their high office, and their rights control; Who may, though judge, turn advocate at large, 410 And deal replies out by the way of charge, Making Interpretation all the way, In spite of facts, his wicked will obey, And, leaving Law without the least defence, May damn his conscience to approve his sense?
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Was one then found, however high his name, So far above his fellows damn'd to shame, Who dared abuse, and falsify his trust, Who, being great, yet dared to be unjust, Shunn'd like a plague, or but at distance view'd, He walk'd the crowded streets in solitude, 40 Nor could his rank and station in the land Bribe one mean knave to take him by the hand.
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The venal hero trucks his fame for gold, The patriot's virtue for a place is sold; The statesman bargains for his country's shame, And, for preferment, priests their God disclaim; 140 Worn out with lust, her day of lechery o'er, The mother trains the daughter whom she bore In her own paths; the father aids the plan, And, when the innocent is ripe for man, Sells her to some old lecher for a wife, And makes her an adulteress for life; Or in the papers bids his name appear, And advertises for a L----: Husband and wife (whom Avarice must applaud) Agree to save the charge of pimp and bawd; 150 Those parts they play themselves, a frugal pair, And share the infamy, the gain to share; Well pleased to find, when they the profits tell, That they have play'd the whore and rogue so well.
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Nor stop we here--the soft luxurious East, Where man, his soul degraded, from the beast In nothing different but in shape we view, They walk on four legs, and he walks on two, Attracts our eye; and flowing from that source, Sins of the blackest character, sins worse 260 Than all her plagues, which truly to unfold, Would make the best blood in my veins run cold, And strike all manhood dead, which but to name, Would call up in my cheeks the marks of shame: Sins, if such sins can be, which shut out grace, Which for the guilty leave no hope, no place, E'en in God's mercy; sins 'gainst Nature's plan Possess the land at large, and man for man Burns, in those fires, which Hell alone could raise To make him more than damn'd; which, in the days 270 Of punishment, when guilt becomes her prey, With all her tortures she can scarce repay.
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Go where we will, at every time and place, Sodom confronts, and stares us in the face; They ply in public at our very doors, And take the bread from much more honest whores.
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Fairest of nymphs, where every nymph is fair, Whom Nature form'd with more than common care, With more than common care whom Art improved, And both declared most worthy to be loved, ---- neglected wanders, whilst a crowd Pursue and consecrate the steps of ----; 340 She, hapless maid, born in a wretched hour, Wastes life's gay prime in vain, like some fair flower, Sweet in its scent, and lively in its hue, Which withers on the stalk from whence it grew, And dies uncropp'd; whilst he, admired, caress'd, Beloved, and everywhere a welcome guest, With brutes of rank and fortune plays the whore, For their unnatural lust a common sewer.
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Women are all the objects of his hate; His debts are all unpaid, and yet his state In full security and triumph held, Unless for once a knave should be expell'd: 410 His wife is still a whore, and in his power, The woman gone, he still retains the dower; Sound in the grave (thanks to his filial care Which mix'd the draught, and kindly sent him there) His father sleeps, and, till the last trump shake The corners of the earth, shall not awake.
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'tis all pretence-- They take up raking only as a fence 'Gainst common fame--place H---- in thy view, He keeps one whore, as Barrowby kept two: Trust not to marriage--T---- took a wife, Who chaste as Dian might have pass'd her life, Had she not, far more prudent in her aim, (To propagate the honours of his name, 490 And save expiring titles) taken care, Without his knowledge, to provide an heir: Trust not to marriage, in mankind unread; S----'s a married man, and S---- new wed. Wouldst thou be safe?
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Let her discharge her cares, throw wide her doors, Her daughters cannot, if they would, be whores; Nor can a man be found, as times now go, Who thinks it worth his while to make them so.
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A maidenhead, which, twenty years ago, In mid December the rank fly would blow, Though closely kept, now, when the Dog-star's heat Inflames the marrow, in the very street May lie untouch'd, left for the worms, by those Who daintily pass by, and hold their nose; 570 Poor, plain Concupiscence is in disgrace, And simple Lechery dares not show her face, Lest she be sent to bridewell; bankrupts made, To save their fortunes, bawds leave off their trade, Which first had left off them; to Wellclose Square Fine, fresh, young strumpets (for Dodd preaches there) Throng for subsistence; pimps no longer thrive, And pensions only keep L---- alive.
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650 Be all his servants female, young and fair; And if the pride of Nature spur thy heir To deeds of venery, if, hot and wild, He chance to get some score of maids with child, Chide, but forgive him; whoredom is a crime Which, more at this than any other time, Calls for indulgence, and,'mongst such a race, To have a bastard is some sign of grace.
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Recall past times, bring back the days of old, When the great noble bore his honours bold, 230 And in the face of peril, when he dared Things which his legal bastard, if declared, Might well discredit; faithful to his trust, In the extremest points of justice, just, Well knowing all, and loved by all he knew, True to his king, and to his country true; Honest at court, above the baits of gain, Plain in his dress, and in his manners plain; Moderate in wealth, generous, but not profuse, Well worthy riches, for he knew their use; 240 Possessing much, and yet deserving more, Deserving those high honours which he wore With ease to all, and in return gain'd fame Which all men paid, because he did not claim.
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Give me a lord that's honest, frank, and brave, I am his friend, but cannot be his slave; Though none, indeed, but blockheads would pretend To make a slave, where they may make a friend; 270 I love his virtues, and will make them known, Confess his rank, but can't forget my own.
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Our patrons are of quite a different strain, With neither sense nor taste; against the grain 390 They patronise for Fashion's sake--no more-- And keep a bard, just as they keep a whore.