Vulgar words in The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer — Complete (Page 1)
This book at a glance
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PLATES: Lorrequer Making His Escape From Col. Kamworth's Mr. Cudmore Filling the Teapot Dr. Finucane and the Grey Mare Lorrequer Practising Physic CONTENTS: CHAPTER XI Cheltenham-Matrimonial Adventure-Showing how to make love for a friend CHAPTER XII Dublin-Tom O'Flaherty-A Reminiscence of the Peninsula CHAPTER XIII Dublin-The Boarding-house-Select Society CHAPTER XIV The Chase CHAPTER XV Mems Of the North Cork CHAPTER XVI Theatricals CHAPTER XVI b (The chapter number is a repeat) The Wager CHAPTER XVII The Elopement CHAPTER XI.
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CHELTENHAM-MATRIMONIAL ADVENTURE-SHOWING HOW TO MAKE LOVE FOR A FRIEND.
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That she was beautiful as an angel -highly accomplished-gifted-agreeable-and all that, Jack, who had never seen her, was firmly convinced; that she was also bent resolutely on marrying him, or any other gentleman whose claims were principally the want of money, he was quite ready to swear to; and, in fact, so assured did he feel that "the whole affair was feasible," (I use his own expression,) that he had managed a two months' leave, and was come down express to see, make love to, and carry her off at once.
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Call you own skip-Blue Pether there-damn me, if I'll be your skip any longer."
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'Damn your politics,' said I; 'never let them interfere with true humanity.'
~ ~ ~ Sentence 267 ~ ~ ~
Well, it so happened that it was upon one of their nights of performing that I found myself, with Mr. Burke, a spectator of their proceedings; I had fallen into an easy slumber, while a dreadful row in the box lobby roused me from my dream, and the loud cry of 'turn him out,' 'pitch him over,' 'beat his brains out,' and other humane proposals of the like nature, effectually restored me to consciousness; I rushed out of the box into the lobby, and there, to my astonishment, in the midst of a considerable crowd, beheld my friend, Mr. Burke, belaboring the box-keeper with all his might with a cotton umbrella of rather unpleasant proportions, accompanying each blow with an exclamation of 'well, are they Connaughtmen, now, you rascal, eh?
~ ~ ~ Sentence 31 ~ ~ ~
While I plead guilty to this impeachment, let me show mitigation, that it has its enjoyments-first, although I am the most constant and devoted man breathing, as a very cursory glance at these confessions may prove, yet I have never been able to restrain myself from a propensity to make love, merely as a pastime.
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On reaching the Lion d'or we discovered that the only conveyance to be had was a species of open market-cart drawn by two horses, and in which it was necessary that my fair friend and myself should seat ourselves side by side upon straw: there was no choice, and as for Miss Bingham, I believe if an ass with panniers had presented itself, she would have preferred it to remaining where she was.
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Having made the most effective toilet my means would permit, my right arm in a sling, and my step trembling from weakness, I sallied forth with Trevanion to make love with as many fears for the result as the most bashful admirer ever experienced, when pressing his suit upon some haughty belle-but for a far different reason.
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If, on the other hand, I only found that she too had amused herself with a little passing flirtation, why then, I was a free man once more: but, on catechising myself a little closer, also, one somewhat disposed to make love de novo.
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She thinks it so natural to be made love to, that there is neither any affected coyness nor any agitated surprise.
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My first twenty-four hours in Dublin is so pleasantly characteristic of this that I may as well relate it here, while the subject is before us; besides, as these "Confessions" are intended as warnings and guides to youth, I may convey a useful lesson, showing why a man should not "make love in the dark."
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"Troth and I think the gentleman would be better if he went off to his flea-bag himself."
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"Can you doubt it, dearest," said I, passionately pressing her to my bosom; and at the same time muttering, "What the devil's in the wind now; we are surely not going to patch up our separation, and make love in earnest."
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I had some very vague recollection of vows of eternal love being mingled with praises of my worthy uncle, and the state of my affections and finances were jumbled up together, but still sufficiently intelligible to satisfy my beloved Jane-that this time at least, I made love with something more than my own consent to support me.
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EBOOK EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS FOR ALL VOLUMES: A c'est egal, mam'selle, they don't mind these things in France A rather unlady-like fondness for snuff A crowd is a mob, if composed even of bishops Accept of benefits with a tone of dissatisfaction Accustomed to the slowness and the uncertainty of the law Air of one who seeks to consume than enjoy his time Always a pleasure felt in the misfortunes of even our best friend Amount of children which is algebraically expressed by an X And some did pray-who never prayed before Annoyance of her vulgar loquacity Brought a punishment far exceeding the merits of the case Chateaux en Espagne Chew over the cud of his misfortune Daily association sustains the interest of the veriest trifles Dear, dirty Dublin-Io te salute Delectable modes of getting over the ground through life Devilish hot work, this, said the colonel Disputing "one brandy too much" in his bill Empty, valueless, heartless flirtation Ending-I never yet met the man who could tell when it ended Enjoy the name without the gain Enough is as good as a feast Escaped shot and shell to fall less gloriously beneath champagne Every misfortune has an end at last Exclaimed with Othello himself, "Chaos was come again;" Fearful of a self-deception where so much was at stake Fighting like devils for conciliation Finish in sorrow what you have begun in folly Gardez vous des femmes, and more especially if they be Irish Green silk, "a little off the grass, and on the bottle" Had a most remarkable talent for selecting a son-in-law Had to hear the "proud man's contumely" Half pleased and whole frightened with the labour before him Has but one fault, but that fault is a grand one Hating each other for the love of God He first butthers them up, and then slithers them down He was very much disguised in drink How ingenious is self-deception If such be a sin, "then heaven help the wicked" Indifferent to the many rebuffs she momentarily encountered Involuntary satisfaction at some apparent obstacle to my path Jaunting-cars, with three on a side and "one in the well" Least important functionaries took the greatest airs upon them Levelling character of a taste for play Listen to reason, as they would call it in Ireland Memory of them when hallowed by time or distance Might almost excite compassion even in an enemy Misfortune will find you out, if ye were hid in a tay chest Mistaking zeal for inclination Mistaking your abstraction for attention My English proves me Irish My French always shows me to be English Never able to restrain myself from a propensity to make love Nine-inside leathern "conveniency," bumping ten miles an hour No equanimity like his who acts as your second in a duel Nothing seemed extravagant to hopes so well founded Nothing ever makes a man so agreeable as the belief that he is Now, young ladies, come along, and learn something, if you can Oh, the distance is nothing, but it is the pace that kills Opportunely been so overpowered as to fall senseless Other bottle of claret that lies beyond the frontier of prudence Packed jury of her relatives, who rarely recommend you to mercy Pleased are we ever to paint the past according to our own fancy Profoundly and learnedly engaged in discussing medicine Profuse in his legends of his own doings in love and war Rather better than people with better coats on them Rather a dabbler in the "ologies" Recovered as much of their senses as the wine had left them Respectable heir-loom of infirmity Seems ever to accompany dullness a sustaining power of vanity Sixteenthly, like a Presbyterian minister's sermon Stoicism which preludes sending your friend out of the world Strong opinions against tobacco within doors Suppose I have laughed at better men than ever he was Sure if he did, doesn't he take it out o' me in the corns?