Vulgar words in Court Memoirs of France Series — Complete (Page 1)

This book at a glance

ass x 8
bastard x 79
blockhead x 5
buffoon x 5
country bumpkin x 1
hussy x 5
knocked up x 2
make love x 7
pimp x 1
pissed x 1
slut x 1
whore x 1

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~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,868   ~   ~   ~

Dunois, Bastard of Orleans, was, wounded; the Scots, the King's body-guard, on whom fell ever the grimmest of the fighting, suffered terribly, and their leader was killed.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 1,932   ~   ~   ~

A few non-royal princes, such as Armagnac, or Saint-Pol, or Brittany, remain and will go down with the others; the "new men" of the day, the bastard Dunois or the Constables Du Guesclin and Clisson, grow to greater prominence; it is clear that the old feudalism is giving place to a newer order, in which the aristocracy, from the King's brothers downwards, will group themselves around the throne, and begin the process which reaches its unhappy perfection under Louis XIV.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 3,194   ~   ~   ~

Beautru and Nogent acted the part of buffoons, and to please the Queen, personated old Broussel's nurse (for he was eighty years of age), stirring up the people to sedition, though both of them knew well enough that their farce might perhaps soon end in a real tragedy.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 4,564   ~   ~   ~

I was informed that this was one trick among others concerted to ruin me, and, telling the Duc d'Orleans of it, he said that if the old buffoon, the Keeper of the Seals, was concerned in such a complication of folly and knavery, he deserved to be hanged by the side of Mazarin.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 5,222   ~   ~   ~

Two of the Abbe Fouquet's bastards were publicly maintained out of my revenues, and no means were left untried to hinder the farmers from relieving me, or my creditors from harassing me with vexatious and expensive lawsuits.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 9,504   ~   ~   ~

The beloved son-in-law of the minister, speaking with an open heart to his friends, who were travelling, and absent, represented the King to them as a sort of country-gentleman, given up now to the domestic and uniform life of the manor-house, more than ever devoted to his dame bourgeoise, and making love ecstatically at the feet of this young nymph of fifty seasons.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 10,826   ~   ~   ~

Montespan had instilled this into him, in order that she might get rid of all his legitimate blood connections, and might suffer none about him but her bastards; she had even carried matters so far as to seek to confine the royal favour to her offspring or her creatures.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 10,876   ~   ~   ~

He said,-- "Folks made love long before you came into the world, and they will always continue to do so.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 10,977   ~   ~   ~

When Montespan was dismissed, the King had all his illegitimate children in his cabinet: this continued until the arrival of the last Dauphine; she intruded herself among the bastards to their great affliction.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 10,994   ~   ~   ~

The good King was old; he stood in need of repose, and he could not enjoy it by any other means than by doing whatever that old Maintenon wished; thus it was that this artful hussy always accomplished her ends.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,291   ~   ~   ~

She helped the Ministers to rob the King; by means of the Constitution she hastened his death; she brought about my son's marriage; she wanted to place bastards upon the throne; in short, she ruined and confused everything.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,311   ~   ~   ~

In the first place, when she wished to have her near her children, she shut her ears to the stories which were told of the irregular life which the hussy had been leading; she made everybody who spoke to the King about her, praise her; her virtue and piety were cried up until the King was made to think that all he had heard of her light conduct were lies, and in the end he most firmly believed it.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,603   ~   ~   ~

In the first place, he is incapable of the passion, or of being attached to any one for a long time; in the second, he is not sufficiently polished and gallant to make love, but sets about it rudely and coarsely; in the third, he is very indiscreet, and tells plainly all that he has done.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,616   ~   ~   ~

He replied, "It is very true that I am not a hero of romance, and that I do not make love like a Celadon, but I love in my way."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,716   ~   ~   ~

My, son does not like him so well as his good-for-nothing brother, because he is too serious, and would not become his buffoon.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,765   ~   ~   ~

He made a remonstrance against this, which was certainly effected at the instigation of the eldest bastard and his wife.--[The Duc and Duchesse du Maine.]

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,771   ~   ~   ~

I believe the plot would have succeeded better if the bastard and his wife had not engaged in it, for they were extraordinarily hated at Paris.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,899   ~   ~   ~

He was formerly a great friend of my son's, and he did not change until he became attached to that little hussy.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,907   ~   ~   ~

A letter of Alberoni's to the lame bastard has been intercepted, in which is the following passage: "As soon as you declare war in France spring all your mines at once."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 11,971   ~   ~   ~

Can the Devil himself be worse than this bastard?

~   ~   ~   Sentence 12,343   ~   ~   ~

"That little slut," said he to Madame Maintenon, "has deceived us."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 12,518   ~   ~   ~

I think M. de Monmouth was much worse than the Comte de Guiche; because, although a bastard, he was the son of Madame's own brother; and this incest doubled the crime.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,188   ~   ~   ~

Addressing herself to the coachman, she said, "Overturn here, you blockhead--overturn!"

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,190   ~   ~   ~

[Illustration: Overturn here, you blockhead--290] A servant had gained so much in the Rue de Quincampoix, that he was enabled to set up his equipage.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,407   ~   ~   ~

These bastards are of so bad a disposition that God knows who was their father.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,415   ~   ~   ~

This fills me with anxiety, for I know too well how expert the wicked old hussy is in the use of poison.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,539   ~   ~   ~

The King of Denmark has the look of a simpleton; he made love to my daughter while he was here.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,747   ~   ~   ~

It is therefore evident that all this proceeds from the bastards.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,760   ~   ~   ~

That old Maintenon has continued pretty tranquil until the termination of the process relating to the legitimation of the bastards.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,819   ~   ~   ~

This is the cause of those great disputes which the Princes of the blood have had with the bastards, as may be seen by their memorial.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 13,882   ~   ~   ~

The confessor was then eighty years of age, and not unlike an ass; his ears were very long, his mouth very wide, his head very large, and his body very long.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 14,278   ~   ~   ~

CHAPTER XV The Farrier of Salon.--Apparition of a Queen.--The Farrier Comes to Versailles.--Revelations to the Queen.--Supposed Explanation.-- New Distinctions to the Bastards.--New Statue of the King.-- Disappointment of Harlay.--Honesty of Chamillart.--The Comtesse de Fiesque.--Daughter of Jacquier.--Impudence of Saumery.--Amusing Scene.-- Attempted Murder.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 14,347   ~   ~   ~

CHAPTER LXVII Maisons Seeks My Acquaintance.--His Mysterious Manner.--Increase of the Intimacy.--Extraordinary News.--The Bastards Declared Princes of the Blood.--Rage of Maisons and Noailles.--Opinion of the Court and Country.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 14,380   ~   ~   ~

CHAPTER XCII The Material Preparations for the Bed of Justice--Arrival of the Duc d'Orleans:--The Council Chamber.--Attitude of the Various Actors.--The Duc du Maine.--Various Movements.--Arrival of the Duc de Toulouse.-- Anxiety of the Two Bastards.--They Leave the Room.--Subsequent Proceedings.--Arrangement of the Council Chamber.--Speech of the Regent.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 14,381   ~   ~   ~

--Countenances of the Members of Council.--The Regent Explains the Object of the Bed of Justice.--Speech of the Keeper of the Seals.--Taking the Votes.--Incidents That Followed.--New Speech of the Duc d'Orleans.-- Against the Bastards.--My Joy.--I Express My Opinion Modestly.--Exception in Favour of the Comte de Toulouse.--New Proposal of M. le Duc.--Its Effect.--Threatened Disobedience of the Parliament.--Proper Measures.-- The Parliament Sets Out.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 14,382   ~   ~   ~

CHAPTER XCIII Continuation of the Scene in the Council Chamber.--Slowness of the Parliament.--They Arrive at Last.--The King Fetched.--Commencement of the Bed of Justice.--My Arrival.--Its Effect.--What I Observed.--Absence of the Bastards Noticed.--Appearance of the King.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 15,890   ~   ~   ~

The King, ravished with joy to see himself delivered from a Prince whom he disliked, could not hide his satisfaction--his eagerness--to get rid of a Prince whose only faults were that he had no bastard blood in his veins, and that he was so much liked by all the nation that they wished him at the head of the army, and murmured at the little favour he received, as compared with that showered down upon the illegitimate children.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 15,917   ~   ~   ~

The Prince did not think in the same manner, and flatly refused; saying, that the House of Orange was accustomed to marry the legitimate daughters of great kings, and not their bastards.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 16,035   ~   ~   ~

Hearing the magpie repeat again and again the same word, he took it into his head that by a miracle, like the observation Balaam's ass made to his master, the bird was reproaching him for his sins.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 16,765   ~   ~   ~

Assisted also by the King, she took steps to make her bastard son canon of Strasbourg; intrigued so well that his birth was made to pass muster, although among Germans there is a great horror of illegitimacy, and he was received into the chapter.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 18,155   ~   ~   ~

He thought, very properly, that a person who bore the name of Lorraine should not put herself so much on the footing of a buffoon; and, as he was a rough speaker, he sometimes said the most abominable things to her at table; upon which the Princess would burst out crying, and then, being enraged, would sulk.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 18,296   ~   ~   ~

She proposed this therefore; and our King, out of regard for his brother monarch, and from a natural affection for bastards, consented to the appointment; but as the Duke of Berwick had never before commanded an army, he stipulated that Pursegur, known to be a skilful officer, should go with him and assist him with his counsels and advice.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 19,220   ~   ~   ~

Scarcely had he ascended into his chamber, than everybody, princes, bastards and all the rest, ran after him.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 21,783   ~   ~   ~

In the next place he assured to her forty-five thousand livres a year, nearly all the capital of which would belong to the son he had had by her, whom he had recognised and made legitimate, and who has since become Grandee of Spain, Grand Prieur of France, and General of the Galleys (for the best of all conditions in France is to have none at all, and to be a bastard).

~   ~   ~   Sentence 21,817   ~   ~   ~

There he placed himself in a fauteuil, Monsieur, while he was there, in another; the Duchesse de Bourgogne, Madame (but only after the death of Monsieur), the Duchesse de Berry (after her marriage), the three bastard-daughters, and Madame du Maine (when she was at Versailles), on stools on each side.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 21,818   ~   ~   ~

Monseigneur, the Duc de Bourgogne, the Duc de Berry, the Duc d'Orleans, the two bastards, M. le Duc (as the husband of Madame la Duchesse), and afterwards the two sons of M. du Maine, when they had grown a little, and D'Antin, came afterwards, all standing.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 22,072   ~   ~   ~

We were in the golden age of bastards, and Berwick was a man who had reason to think so.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 22,073   ~   ~   ~

Bastard of James II., of England, he had arrived in France, at the age of eighteen, with that monarch, after the Revolution of 1688.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 22,079   ~   ~   ~

This was making a rapid fortune with a vengeance, under a King who regarded people of thirty-odd as children, but who thought no more of the ages of bastards than of those of the gods.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 22,102   ~   ~   ~

Thus the Duke of Richmond, bastard of Charles II., had the name of "Lennox;" the Dukes of Cleveland and of Grafton, by the same king, that of "Fitz-Roi," which means "son of the king;" in fine, the Duke of Berwick had the name of "Fitz-James;" so that his family name for his posterity is thus "Son of James;" as a name, it is so ridiculous in French, that nobody could help laughing at it, or being astonished at the scandal of imposing it in English upon France.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 23,111   ~   ~   ~

In this way she had acquired a familiarity with them such as none of the King's children, not even the bastards, had approached.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 23,520   ~   ~   ~

All the Princes of the blood, the bastards, the peers and the parliament, were assembled in the palace.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 23,548   ~   ~   ~

Then he related to Madame de Saint-Simon, in the midst of sobs, how he had stuck fast at the Parliament, without being able to utter a word, said that he should everywhere be regarded as an ass and a blockhead, and repeated the compliments he had received from Madame de Montauban, who, he said, had laughed at and insulted him, knowing well what had happened; then, infuriated against her to the last degree, he called her by all sots of names.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 23,556   ~   ~   ~

I was taught only to play and to hunt,: and they have succeeded in making me a fool and an ass, incapable of anything, the laughing-stock and disdain of everybody."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 23,595   ~   ~   ~

In a word, all the work evidently appeared composed in order to persuade people--under the simple air of a man who set aside prejudices with discernment, and who only seeks the truth--that the majority of the Kings of the first race, several of the second, some even of the third, were, bastards, whom this defect did not exclude from the throne, or affect in any way.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 23,608   ~   ~   ~

Foreign countries did not swallow quite so readily these stories that declared such a number of our early kings bastards; but great care was taken not to let France be infected by the disagreeable truths therein published.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 23,944   ~   ~   ~

The long winter's night pissed thus; the cold was, terrible, there was nothing to ward it off; the coachman actually lost the use of one hand.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,146   ~   ~   ~

This ignorance so intimidated him, that he could scarcely open his mouth before strangers, or perform the most ordinary duties of his rank; he had persuaded himself that he was an ass and a fool; fit for nothing.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,250   ~   ~   ~

At the first glance I saw two dismayed men, who said to me in an exhausted manner, but after a heated though short preface, that the King had declared his two bastards and their male posterity to all eternity, real princes of the blood, with full liberty to assume all their dignities, honours, and rank, and capacity to succeed to the throne in default of the others.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,265   ~   ~   ~

I argued with them and said, that after all I preferred to see the bastards princes of the blood, capable of succeeding to the throne, than to see them in the intermediary rank they occupied.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,288   ~   ~   ~

to overthrow the most holy laws, that have existed ever since the establishment of monarchy; to extinguish a right the most sacred--the most important--the most inherent in the nation: to make succession to the throne, purely, supremely, and despotically arbitrary; in a word, to make of a bastard a crown prince, is a crime more black, more vast, more terrible, than that of high treason against the chief of the State.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,296   ~   ~   ~

Excepting Marechal, his chief surgeon, who laboured unceasingly to cure him of his suspicions, Madame de Maintenon, M. du Maine, Fagon, Bloin, the other principal valets sold to the bastard and his former governors,--all sought to augment these suspicions; and in truth it was not difficult to do so.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,313   ~   ~   ~

He flattered himself that the feeling he had excited against M. d'Orleans in the Court, in Paris, and in the provinces would be powerfully strengthened by dispositions so dishonourable; that he should find himself received as the guardian and protector of the life of the royal infant, to whom was attached the salvation of France, of which he would then become the idol; that the independent possession of the young King, and of his military and civil households, would strengthen with the public applause the power with which he would be invested in the state by this testament; that the Regent, reviled and stripped in this manner, not only would be in no condition to dispute anything, but would be unable to defend himself from any attempts the bastard might afterwards make against him.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,339   ~   ~   ~

Some days before the news transpired, the King, full of the enormity of what he had just done for his bastards, looked at them in his cabinet, in presence of the valets, and of D'Antin and D'O, and in a sharp manner, that told of vexation, and with a severe glance, suddenly thus addressed himself to M. du Maine: "You have wished it; but know that however great I may make you, and you may be in my lifetime, you are nothing after me; and it will be for you then to avail yourself of what I have done for you, if you can."

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,340   ~   ~   ~

Everybody present trembled at a thunder-clap so sudden, so little expected, so entirely removed from the character and custom of the King, and which showed so clearly the extreme ambition of the Duc du Maine, and the violence he had done to the weakness of the King, who seemed to reproach himself for it, and to reproach the bastard for his ambition and tyranny.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,409   ~   ~   ~

Five days after the King's will had been walled up, in the manner I have described, he came to me and made a pathetic discourse upon the injustice done to M. le Duc d'Orleans by this testament, and did all he could to excite me by railing in good set terms against dispositions intended to add to the power and grandeur of the bastards.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,759   ~   ~   ~

Astonishment will be felt at what I am going to say, and yet, however, nothing is more strictly true: it is, that at the bottom of her soul she believed that she, bastard of the King, had much honoured M. d'Orleans in marrying him!

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,853   ~   ~   ~

Upon his return he appeared much knocked up.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,870   ~   ~   ~

The bastards, or to speak exactly, M, du Maine saw it; Madame de Maintenon also; but they did nothing.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 24,929   ~   ~   ~

He saw four other physicians, who, like the first four, did nothing but admire the learned and admirable treatment of Fagon, who made him take towards evening some Jesuit bark and water and intended to give him at night, ass's milk.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,225   ~   ~   ~

The ministers, even the most powerful, openly studied their caprices; and the Princes of the blood, nay, the bastards,--not to mention people of lower grade, did the same.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,567   ~   ~   ~

When he travelled, his coach was always full of women; his mistresses, afterwards his bastards, his daughters-in-law, sometimes Madame, and other ladies when there was room.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,643   ~   ~   ~

The bastards, a few favourites; and the valets alone were left.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,660   ~   ~   ~

It was also the grand day taken advantage of by the bastards, the valets, etc., because the King had nothing to do.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,691   ~   ~   ~

This also was the time for the bastards and the valets.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,722   ~   ~   ~

He passed a little less than an hour there, seated in an armchair, with his legitimate children and bastards, his grandchildren, legitimate and otherwise, and their husbands or wives.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,807   ~   ~   ~

We found it already assembled, and a few Dukes who had not attended our meeting, but had promised to be guided by us, were also present; and then a quarter of an hour after we were seated the bastards arrived.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,831   ~   ~   ~

I will not dwell upon these two documents, in which nothing is provided but the grandeur and the power of the bastards, Madame de Maintenon and Saint-Cyr, the choice of the King's education and of the council of the regency, by which M. le Duc d'Orleans was to be shorn of all authority to the advantage of M. le Duc du Maine.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 25,976   ~   ~   ~

I am quite prepared, if ever these memoirs see the day, to find that this statement will be laughed at; that it will throw discredit on others, and cause me to be regarded as a great ass, if I think to make my readers, believe it; or for an idiot, if I have believed it myself.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 26,879   ~   ~   ~

The Regent and all the Princes of the blood were there, the bastards also.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 26,916   ~   ~   ~

At the first movements of the Parliament, of the bastards, and of those who had usurped the name of nobility, I had warned him.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 26,920   ~   ~   ~

I was the oldest, the most attached, the freest spoken of all his servitors; I had given him the best proofs of this in the most critical times of his life, and in the midst of his universal abandonment; the counsels I had offered him in these sad days he had always found for his good; he was accustomed to repose in me the most complete confidence; but, whatever opinion he might have of me, and of my truth and probity, he was on his guard against what he called my warmth, and against the love I had for my dignity, so attacked by the usurpations of the bastards, the designs of the Parliament, and the modern fancies of a sham nobility.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 26,994   ~   ~   ~

M. le Duc, who had been admitted to our councils, and who was heart and soul against the bastards, proposed that at the Bed of justice the education of the young King should be taken out of the control of M. du Maine and placed in his hands.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 26,997   ~   ~   ~

I had seen the bastards grow in rank and importance with an indignation and disgust I could scarcely contain.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,014   ~   ~   ~

Thus everything went on satisfactorily, and I began to count the hours, by day as well as by night, until the great day was to arrive on which the arrogant pride of the Parliament was to receive a check, and the false plumage which adorned the bastards was to be plucked from them.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,162   ~   ~   ~

The eyes of all, occupied with the Regent, had been removed from the door, so that the absence of the bastards was by no means generally remarked.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,165   ~   ~   ~

The Duc de Guiche, who sat on the other side of me, left a seat between us, and still waited for the bastards.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,179   ~   ~   ~

I denied it, and yet each seated himself slowly, because intent only upon looking around, and divining what all this could mean, and because it was a long time before any one could comprehend that we must proceed to business without the bastards, although nobody opened his mouth.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,199   ~   ~   ~

From the first moment of this reading and the departure of the bastards, everybody saw that something was in preparation against them.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,202   ~   ~   ~

All, according as they were allied to the Parliament or to the bastards, seemed to wait in fear what was to be proposed.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,246   ~   ~   ~

A profound silence followed this discourse, so unexpected, and which began to explain the absence of the bastards.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,359   ~   ~   ~

Scarcely had we risen when M. le Duc came to me, rejoiced at the success that had hitherto been had, and much relieved by the absence of the bastards.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,363   ~   ~   ~

I asked if he was not afraid the bastards would come to the Bed of justice; but he was certain they would not.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,412   ~   ~   ~

The departure of the bastards from the cabinet of the Council had redoubled attention, but everybody did not know of that departure; now everybody perceived their absence.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,452   ~   ~   ~

Others who had noticed the absence of the bastards, guessed it was something that affected them; but nobody divined what, much less its extent.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,466   ~   ~   ~

I compared the years and the time of servitude; the grievous days, when dragged at the tail of the Parliamentary car as a victim, I had served as a triumph for the bastards; the various steps by which they had mounted to the summit above our heads; I compared them, I say, to this court of justice and of rule, to this frightful fall which, at the same time, raised us by the force of the shock.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,539   ~   ~   ~

I represented to the Regent what an ill-chosen messenger I should be to carry to Madame la Duchesse d'Orleans news of the disgrace of her brother the Duc du Maine; I, who had always been such an open and declared enemy to the bastards!

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,612   ~   ~   ~

She was delighted at the humiliation of the Parliament, and of the bastards, and that her son had at last displayed some firmness.

~   ~   ~   Sentence 27,643   ~   ~   ~

The conspirators counted upon the Parliaments of Paris and of Brittany, upon all the old Court accustomed to the yoke of the bastards, and to that of Madame de Maintenon; and they flung about promises with an unsparing hand to all who supported them.

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